sooo i have a livejournal now for anyone who ever reads this. you can check out http://www.livejournal.com/users/monster5151/ for posts :] >
posted by Erin 10:30 PM
Monday, December 29, 2003
so i havent posted in a while, not much going on.. christmas was pretty good, breaks good so far, i really need to catch up in all my classes, theres this parent teacher meeting scheduled for when i get back which is gonna suck majorly. im just trying not to think ahead too much. today i tried ritalin to make me work since i just couldnt get myself to and didnt want to do dex anymore, and its just the fucking same as being tweaked im so pissed off. its not fun anymore it just sucks i dont want to. oh well. also i think i might try to get a livejournal instead of a blogger cuz they seem to break less often. >
posted by Erin 5:09 PM
Sunday, December 21, 2003
major reason #3 for my parents to hate me these days. what a screw up. countdown til xmas: 4 days >
posted by Erin 11:01 PM
Thursday, December 18, 2003
UGH. my mentor thinks im an idiot. he kept asking me to do math conversions in my head really fast like gram/mol/liter conversions with like milli, micro, etc. and i just couldnt concentrate enough on what he was saying to do it fast enough, and now he just thinks im a retard who cant do arithmetic. I HATE ADD. uuuugggghhhh >
posted by Erin 5:40 PM
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
im so depressed. last night my dad started screaming at me a lot because i accidentally chipped this tiny, like 1/4 cm, piece of wax of this seal thing on a dresser, and ended up telling me i was a terrible person and just glaring at me. he hates me so much cuz im not doing well in school right now. and i just freaked out and started sobbing and couldnt stop hyperventalating for like 15 mins, and then i started throwing up only nothing came out, and i cried for hours. my whole family just thinks so little of me. anyway so i went on like an hour walk and then went to sleep and today saw return of the king. the movie was amazing but i cant even go into how much i enjoyed it because im just in such a bad mood now. i got lost in dc forever and everyone was annoyed at me for it, and everyone was so like grumpy and morose that now i am too. and james made me drive him back and forth and i took home jeremy and then people told me they were at my house and were gonna hang out and would call if they werent cuz andrew said he just wanted to go home but then they just werent there and i heard nothing from them, and now i found out its cuz andrews hanging out with other people, which he could have just told me or called like he said. and i cant think of a single thing greg said to me that entire 5 hours and now my parents are screaming again. everything is just so bad. i hate my life >
posted by Erin 8:00 PM
and while im posting articles.. here are some highlights of news of the weird:
In Knoxville, Tenn., in September, Thomas Martin McGouey, 51, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGouey's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed with 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other.
During filming in a remote area of Italy earlier this year for the controversial Mel Gibson film "The Passion of Christ," the actor who portrays Jesus was struck during a lightning storm, according to an October report in the trade paper Variety. Also struck was assistant director Jan Michelini, who had been struck by lightning at a previous shoot for the film, in Matera, Italy. None of the strikes created a serious injury. The film's portrayals of Christ and of Jews are expected to make it extremely controversial.
A familiar News of the Weird character, the indefatigable gay-hating Rev. Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kan., announced in October that he would take advantage of the Casper, Wyo., City Council's earlier decision to allow a religious monument (the Ten Commandments) in a city park by erecting his own religious monument: a statue celebrating the 1998 fatal gay bashing (and descent into hell) of Casper's Matthew Shepard. (A U.S. Court of Appeals had ruled that a city cannot discriminate among religious messages.) The City Council subsequently decided that its Ten Commandments monument was a bad idea and voted to remove it and ban all religious messages from the park.
In an October report, the federal government's General Accounting Office revealed that the Pentagon has been lax in monitoring just who was buying its surplus chemical and biological equipment and that such items could easily have found their way to terrorists (and been bought at deep discounts). On the other hand, the Defense Threat Reduction Agency admitted in September that it had been Internet-monitoring a Web cam of a factory on Scotland's Isle of Islay that it said resembled a chemical weapons lab but which turned out to be a whiskey distillery.
Among the 15 "worst" actual jobs in science (from the October issue of Popular Science): (15) counting fish (one by one, for hours) that swim by dams in the Pacific Northwest; (11) the only two government bureaucrats whose job is to convince Americans of the merits of the metric system; (7) researchers who reach into a cow's rumen to pull out and analyze the stomach contents; (4) mosquito catchers who endure up to 15 bites a minute on three-hour shifts and hope not to get malaria; (3) researchers who extract sperm from animals for study or artificial insemination (and extracting from a pig is much preferable to extracting from a bull); and (1) "flatus odor judges" working for gastroenterologist Michael Levitt, who feeds subjects pinto beans, then gathers gases in plastic collection tubes direct from the source, and then has judges sniff as many as 100 samples, rating them for strength.
Lawyer Christian Gauthier was referred for disciplinary investigation because, while defending a client accused of killing a police officer, he was overheard singing the Bob Marley song "I Shot the Sheriff" during a courtroom break (Montreal, Quebec). A 15-year-old burglary suspect in lockup was also charged with theft for ordering $42 worth of adult movies on the jail's cable television hookup (Woodstock, Ill.). The eventual winner of the race for president of the Marietta, Ohio, City Council was arrested on the morning of the election on a misdemeanor delinquent-taxes warrant.
In July, a judge relented and allowed Richard Quinton Gunn to act as his own attorney in his aggravated-murder appeal, following his conviction earlier in the year in Ogden, Utah, by a jury that deliberated just two hours. Gunn had confessed, saying he killed his tenant using a crowbar, a butcher knife, a handsaw, a fireplace poker, a 12-inch bolt, a straight-edge razor, an ax, walking canes, a pool cue and a large salad fork.
Demon Babies: LaFayre Marie Banks, 32, was charged with assault and child abuse in Port Huron, Mich., in May after her 7-month-old baby fell from Banks' second-story bathroom window, suffering severe head injuries. Banks told a police officer that she was bathing the child when "it reared up and went through the window." And in Wetumpka, Ala., in August, Melissa Wright, 27, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for putting her 18-month-old daughter in a hot oven. Wright's version was that the child slipped from her arms, fell to the floor, and rolled into the oven, and then the door closed.
Denver Garrett, charged with cocaine possession in Monterey, Tenn., in October, told police he bought it only to keep it off the streets and away from children. And James Howle, 61, and Kevin Williams, 41, stabbed each other in Pomona, Calif., in October in an argument over which of their two unidentified alcoholic beverages tastes better.
Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (67) The usually elderly, momentarily confused driver who intends to stop but mistakenly slams on the gas pedal, often resulting in major destruction, such as the 82-year-old Rochester, N.Y., woman who plowed into nine new cars at a Hyundai dealership in September. (68) And the marijuana entrepreneur, with plants and grow equipment throughout his house, who nonetheless calls police in to report a relatively minor crime against him, such as the Victoria, British Columbia, man who in August insisted police come see the video he made of a break-in of his car but was oblivious of his home's powerful marijuana smell.
On Oct. 29, thousands of rush-hour riders had to be rerouted on New York City commuter trains as firefighters tried to free Edwin Gallart, 41, whose arm got stuck in one train's toilet when he reached in to retrieve his fallen cell phone. (Ultimately, the toilet had to be ripped out.) And the next day in South Philadelphia, a 25-year-old man who had apparently been indecently exposing himself to girls and women in the neighborhood for several weeks, tried it one time too many and was chased by "20 to 30" girls from St. Maria Goretti High School, caught, roughed up, and held for police.
A senior Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, told a BBC Radio audience in October that condoms are useless in preventing the spread of HIV (because the virus seeps through the porous latex) and therefore should not be used, even in AIDS-wracked Africa, where as much as 20 percent of the population is reportedly infected. The World Health Organization denounced Trujillo's claim but said it had heard similar Catholic Church messages in Asia and Latin America.
In October, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration's inspector general released questions from the final exam for airport screeners, designed to measure the crucial, intensive training that the screeners had just completed. One question: "How do threats get on board an aircraft?" The supposedly challenging answers: "a. In carry-on bags; b. In checked-in bags; c. In another person's bag; d. All of the above." If that is too difficult, the inspector general also complained that 22 of the exam's 25 questions were repeats from previous exams and that some test-takers were briefed in advance.
Police officer James Marriner, 43, appeared at a hearing in Brisbane, Australia, in September on 15 counts related to sexual harassment of members of the Bible-based community he lived in near Ipswich, Queensland. Among the accusations: Marriner had requested nude photos, confidential sexual histories, and pubic-hair samples from well-meaning community members who had conscientiously agreed to help the local police crack a "pedophile ring" (which apparently existed only in Marriner's mind). Reportedly, being a police officer in such a sheltered community was a high-status job that gave him unusual powers of persuasion.
In Easton, Pa., in July, Robert M. Peters Sr., 47, became the latest man to be acquitted of indecent exposure by persuading a jury that his penis is too small to have been seen by the complaining witness. A woman testified that she had seen "3 inches" of erect penis beyond the bottom of his shorts while he was working in her home, but via photographs and a brief trouser-dropping in the courtroom, Peters convinced the jury that he is very modestly endowed and that she must have seen something else, such as a fold of fat on his 312-pound body.
Thinning the Herd...
A 22-year-old student from Saint-Denis, on the French island of Reunion, trying to get a better position for taking photographs of the Piton de la Fournaise volcano, got too close and fell in, to his death (August). And a 47-year-old man in Camp Verde, Ariz., who was apparently reaching up a utility pole to illegally hook up power to his business after having had it cut off for nonpayment, was electrocuted (July).
Two hunters on a remote mountain in northern Sweden in October came across an installation of 70 pairs of shoes filled with butter, according to an Associated Press report. Artist Yu Xiuzhen was attributed as the probable creator, in that he had staged a similar display in the Tibetan mountains surrounding Lhasa, China, in 1996. (A non-art-appreciating official in Sweden was more concerned about getting the shoes down before the butter rots.)
In April, according to Uganda's prison service, 15 inmates escaped near Kampala after allegedly having weakened the jail's walls and cell bars by months of urinating on them. Also in April, The New York Times reported that a pest-control professional in Stockton, Calif., had developed a new termite-detection method that relies on locating concentrations of methane gas that are expelled because of termites' high-fiber (i.e., wood) diet. And in October, a tipsy undersecretary in the Philippine government apologized after inadvertently urinating in the rear of President Arroyo's plane during flight, in an area he mistook for a restroom.
Mr. Ashrita Furman, 48, claims the world record for breaking world records (81, 20 of which are still recognized by the Guinness Book), demonstrating extraordinary but fanciful skills, such as the fastest mile run while balancing a bottle of milk on his chin, unicycling backward for 53 miles, and pogo-stick jumping (3,647). According to a June New York Times profile, Furman is a celibate bachelor with few possessions and lives quietly in an Indian-American community in Jamaica, N.Y., whose residents are spiritually guided by guru Sri Chinmoy. He said he would go the distance in the Nov. 2 New York City Marathon not by running but by skipping.
In a recent government raid on a Colombian rebel compound, authorities recovered a videotape apparently made at a Christmas party of the violent National Liberation Army (ELN) and released it to TV stations in September. Among the scenes on the tape was a mock beauty pageant featuring giddy male rebel soldiers, in bikini bottoms and with sashes across their chests, strutting along a makeshift catwalk, with tongue-in-cheek narration by a ski-masked emcee who playfully chides the contestants. Interspersed, however, were non-humorous scenes of kidnapped Colombians being held for ransom.
In September, a British government-funded charity, Family Planning Association, distributed a cartoon booklet teaching the joys of masturbation to a target audience of 9- to 11-year-old girls. Also in September, the British teen community-service organization Connexions distributed a primer on marijuana smoking printed on a poster resembling a package of rolling papers. And the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor this semester offered another edition of its sociology course, "How to Be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation" (but its creator said "initiation" is a sociological term and does not refer to initiation of straight students).
People Who Recently Failed to Get Out of the Line of Their Own Fire: (1) Jonathan Rodriguez, 17, Newark, Del. (a home-invasion suspect who batted on a door with the butt of his handgun, which fired into his groin; July). (2) Joshua Michael Short, 18, Houston (got up from a table at Memorial City Mall food court and bumped the gun that was in his waistband, firing a round into his buttocks; July). (3) Detroit police officer Michael Allen, 22 (tried to cram his gun under the front seat of his car at a Canadian border-crossing, but it discharged into his leg; July).
The Colorado prisons' inspector general's office said that because of the state's new no-smoking law, inmate profits of 450 times costs can be made on contraband tobacco, vs. typical profits of eight times costs on contraband cocaine. And the chief of a remote Fiji mountain village agreed to apologize for his ancestors, who killed and ate British missionary Thomas Baker in 1867 after Baker innocently pulled a comb out of the then-chief's hair. And 750 students in two Paris high schools went on strike after their principals decided to strictly enforce French law banning smoking in the schools.
From recent newspaper Police Logs: (1) Wayne Leonard Hoffman, 45, was arrested for DUI (0.39 reading) at a gas station in Minnetonka, Minn., where he was "attempting to add air to his vehicle's tires using a vacuum cleaner hose" (Lakeshore Weekly News, July). (2) Two Wilson, Wyo., men were feuding over a parking space at a K-Mart when one drove alongside the other and spit at him through his open window. According to the police report: "As (the victim) saw the projected body fluid traveling through the air, he dropped his jaw in shock, and the phlegm landed square in (his) mouth where he swallowed it in a gag reflex" (August, Jackson Hole News & Guide).
NYPD officers Paul Damore and Farrell Conroy were briefly suspended without pay in July for their conduct in the 45th Precinct station house in the Bronx, when they got into a fistfight over which one would get to be the driver of their patrol car.
Kids who commandeered family vehicles and drove off: Ms. Taccara King's 2-year-old son (crashed a pickup truck into the B Line Transport office, Vero Beach, Fla., July). Rex Davis, 2 (crashed a car into a room at a Red Roof Inn, Tampa, Fla., September). A 5-year-old girl and her 4-year-old brother (crashed car into a McDonald's, Edmonton, Alberta, September). A 6-year-old boy (drove his baby-sitter's car 30 miles, looking for his mother, hitting only three cars along the way, Luling, Texas, July). A 7-year-old boy, assisted by a 3-year-old girl holding down the gas pedal (crashed into a tree, Hannibal, N.Y., July).
for those of you out there who do not read the weekly city paper for dc, i highly recommend the columns new of the weird and savage love. now, if you have not been keeping up with savage love, you do not know a term you really ought to...
from this week:
"I was listening to the radio today and Rick Santorum was mentioned. The first thought that popped into my head was, "Santorum? That frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex?" and not, "Santorum? That conservative prick?" Your column has worked the new meaning so far into my brain that it pops up first!
-Santorum Hits in Total
Thanks for sharing, SHIT, and I want you to know that you're not alone: Many people have written in to say that "frothy mix" pops to mind first whenever they hear Senator Santorum's name on the news, which they've been hearing a lot lately, what with Senator Santorum busily undermining abortion rights and bemoaning gay marriage.
Some of the mail is from readers who are angry about this popping effect. These readers are sick to death of reading about santorum--the senator and the stain--in my column. To the santorumphobes out there, I say this: There are other advice columns out there--fine examples of the genre, from the Ethicist in the New York Times to Dear Prudence on Slate to Real Estate Reality Check in the Vashon Island Beachcomber--and none of these columns would touch santorum with a 10-foot pole. (I can't, however, vouch for none of the columnists themselves ever having left santorum on a 10-foot pole.) Santorumphobes in need of an advice fix are welcome to read one of these other fine columns this week and then return to Savage Love next week, because this week's column is awash in santorum.
But after this week--I swear to God!--I will not discuss santorum at any length again, as my efforts to spread the word are moving to a dedicated website. But first I want to tend to these santorum-related, uh, loose ends....
Just an FYI from the folks selling a line of santorum T-shirts....
We've had a few orders from people who work in Senate offices (for U.S. senators!). I don't think Rick Santorum is popular with his colleagues. I'm smiling right now, envisioning Santorum strolling past a Senate aide wearing a "SANTORUM--The frothy mixture that says I love you" T-shirt in the hallowed halls of our nation's Capitol. "Frothy mixture" is our most popular shirt (available at www.extraugly.com). Sign me....
-Politicians Out of Private Stuff
P.S. Did you get the shirts that we sent to you?
I got the shirts, POOPS, and thanks. Speaking of people who work for U.S. senators....
As a congressional staffer here in Washington, D.C., I have to keep myself from giggling every time I pass Rick Santorum in the Capitol, but that's not the point of this e-mail. I typed "Santorum" into Google to see for myself, and I noticed that the page right after your column has a great summary quote:
"Rick Santorum had only been in the senate for a few weeks when Bob Kerrey, then Senator from Nebraska, pegged him."
-AC
Former Senator Bob Kerrey didn't peg Santorum in the Savage Love sense of the word. (Kerrey can't, as pegging by definition is a woman fucking a man with a strap-on dildo.) On the website CounterPunch, Jeffrey St. Clair claims Kerrey "pegged" Santorum by saying, "Santorum--that's Latin for asshole." If he said it, Kerrey was ahead of the curve.
I've only heard you use "santorum" in reference to gay anal sex. Does it apply to straight butt sex too?
-I Love Straight Anal
Straight people have anuses, don't they? Butt? Of course! And guess what? Straight people pump out a hell of a lot more santorum than gay people.
The best estimate of the number of gay men in the United States and Canada is three percent of the male population, or roughly 4.5 million cock-hungry males out of a population of 300 million men and women. According to The Social Organization of Sexuality (University of Chicago Press, 1994), 10 percent of straight men and nine percent of straight women reported engaging in anal sex, which works out to more than 50 million straight people buttfucking their brains out. The Chicago study was conducted a decade ago, and the number of straight people engaging in anal sex has, without a doubt, skyrocketed, thanks to anal porn and Trent Ford. So the amount of santorum produced in North America by gay men, ILSA, is but a trickle compared to the tsunami of santorum produced by straight folks.
A former bartender, I wanted to do my part to popularize "santorum," so this straight man concocted a recipe for the Santorum Shot: 1/2 oz. dirty-ass well vodka; 1/2 oz. créme de cacao (dark); a dash of cream; a splash of seltzer water. Place hand over top of shot glass, slam on table, and voilà! A frothy brownish mixture. -Santorum Haters Open Wide
Dawn at Barca was kind enough to whip up a Santorum Shot for me, SHOW. It looked appropriately disgusting but tasted absolutely divine! I recommend them!
I work in the film business in Toronto and I recently worked on the Dawn of the Dead remake, with Zack Snyder directing.
We were shooting a scene with Sarah Polley and Jake Weber in which they were supposed to be drinking horrible coffee and commenting to each other of its foul taste. I implored Zack to do one take using the term "santorum" in reference to the coffee. The scene was brilliant with the term, and I told Zack that if he kept it in the movie, he'd be making a great contribution to society! At the wrap party they played a blooper reel. When they showed Jake referring to his coffee tasting like "santorum," half the room exploded with laughter and the other half begged to be let in on the joke. Hollywood is behind you, Dan!
-Rusty in Toronto
If the "santorum" scene doesn't make it into the new Dawn of the Dead, RIT, I hope Zack Snyder can be persuaded to at least include the santorum scene on the DVD. Pretty please, Zack?
And now... the new website, where santorumphiles can track the spread of santorum, thus sparing santorumphobes from ever having to read "that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" in my column ever again. Santorum sightings, links to websites that mention santorum, information on getting the word into The Oxford English Dictionary, and much, much more can be found at www.spreadingsantorum.com. "
so who wants to try the frothy mixture bar drink with me, eh?
