wicked and young

2004-01-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

sooo i have a livejournal now for anyone who ever reads this. you can check out http://www.livejournal.com/users/monster5151/ for posts :]

2003-12-29T17:09:00.000-05:00

so i havent posted in a while, not much going on.. christmas was pretty good, breaks good so far, i really need to catch up in all my classes, theres this parent teacher meeting scheduled for when i get back which is gonna suck majorly. im just trying not to think ahead too much. today i tried ritalin to make me work since i just couldnt get myself to and didnt want to do dex anymore, and its just the fucking same as being tweaked im so pissed off. its not fun anymore it just sucks i dont want to. oh well. also i think i might try to get a livejournal instead of a blogger cuz they seem to break less often.

2003-12-21T23:01:00.000-05:00

major reason #3 for my parents to hate me these days. what a screw up. countdown til xmas: 4 days

2003-12-18T17:40:00.000-05:00

UGH. my mentor thinks im an idiot. he kept asking me to do math conversions in my head really fast like gram/mol/liter conversions with like milli, micro, etc. and i just couldnt concentrate enough on what he was saying to do it fast enough, and now he just thinks im a retard who cant do arithmetic. I HATE ADD. uuuugggghhhh

2003-12-17T20:00:00.000-05:00

im so depressed. last night my dad started screaming at me a lot because i accidentally chipped this tiny, like 1/4 cm, piece of wax of this seal thing on a dresser, and ended up telling me i was a terrible person and just glaring at me. he hates me so much cuz im not doing well in school right now. and i just freaked out and started sobbing and couldnt stop hyperventalating for like 15 mins, and then i started throwing up only nothing came out, and i cried for hours. my whole family just thinks so little of me. anyway so i went on like an hour walk and then went to sleep and today saw return of the king. the movie was amazing but i cant even go into how much i enjoyed it because im just in such a bad mood now. i got lost in dc forever and everyone was annoyed at me for it, and everyone was so like grumpy and morose that now i am too. and james made me drive him back and forth and i took home jeremy and then people told me they were at my house and were gonna hang out and would call if they werent cuz andrew said he just wanted to go home but then they just werent there and i heard nothing from them, and now i found out its cuz andrews hanging out with other people, which he could have just told me or called like he said. and i cant think of a single thing greg said to me that entire 5 hours and now my parents are screaming again. everything is just so bad. i hate my life

2003-12-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

ugh
what am i doing

2003-12-09T02:39:00.000-05:00

and while im posting articles.. here are some highlights of news of the weird:

In Knoxville, Tenn., in September, Thomas Martin McGouey, 51, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGouey's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed with 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other.

During filming in a remote area of Italy earlier this year for the controversial Mel Gibson film "The Passion of Christ," the actor who portrays Jesus was struck during a lightning storm, according to an October report in the trade paper Variety. Also struck was assistant director Jan Michelini, who had been struck by lightning at a previous shoot for the film, in Matera, Italy. None of the strikes created a serious injury. The film's portrayals of Christ and of Jews are expected to make it extremely controversial.

A familiar News of the Weird character, the indefatigable gay-hating Rev. Fred Phelps of Topeka, Kan., announced in October that he would take advantage of the Casper, Wyo., City Council's earlier decision to allow a religious monument (the Ten Commandments) in a city park by erecting his own religious monument: a statue celebrating the 1998 fatal gay bashing (and descent into hell) of Casper's Matthew Shepard. (A U.S. Court of Appeals had ruled that a city cannot discriminate among religious messages.) The City Council subsequently decided that its Ten Commandments monument was a bad idea and voted to remove it and ban all religious messages from the park.

In an October report, the federal government's General Accounting Office revealed that the Pentagon has been lax in monitoring just who was buying its surplus chemical and biological equipment and that such items could easily have found their way to terrorists (and been bought at deep discounts). On the other hand, the Defense Threat Reduction Agency admitted in September that it had been Internet-monitoring a Web cam of a factory on Scotland's Isle of Islay that it said resembled a chemical weapons lab but which turned out to be a whiskey distillery.

Among the 15 "worst" actual jobs in science (from the October issue of Popular Science): (15) counting fish (one by one, for hours) that swim by dams in the Pacific Northwest; (11) the only two government bureaucrats whose job is to convince Americans of the merits of the metric system; (7) researchers who reach into a cow's rumen to pull out and analyze the stomach contents; (4) mosquito catchers who endure up to 15 bites a minute on three-hour shifts and hope not to get malaria; (3) researchers who extract sperm from animals for study or artificial insemination (and extracting from a pig is much preferable to extracting from a bull); and (1) "flatus odor judges" working for gastroenterologist Michael Levitt, who feeds subjects pinto beans, then gathers gases in plastic collection tubes direct from the source, and then has judges sniff as many as 100 samples, rating them for strength.

Lawyer Christian Gauthier was referred for disciplinary investigation because, while defending a client accused of killing a police officer, he was overheard singing the Bob Marley song "I Shot the Sheriff" during a courtroom break (Montreal, Quebec). A 15-year-old burglary suspect in lockup was also charged with theft for ordering $42 worth of adult movies on the jail's cable television hookup (Woodstock, Ill.). The eventual winner of the race for president of the Marietta, Ohio, City Council was arrested on the morning of the election on a misdemeanor delinquent-taxes warrant.

In July, a judge relented and allowed Richard Quinton Gunn to act as his own attorney in his aggravated-murder appeal, following his conviction earlier in the year in Ogden, Utah, by a jury that deliberated just two hours. Gunn had confessed, saying he killed his tenant using a crowbar, a butcher knife, a handsaw, a fireplace poker, a 12-inch bolt, a straight-edge razor, an ax, walking canes, a pool cue and a large salad fork.

Demon Babies: LaFayre Marie Banks, 32, was charged with assault and child abuse in Port Huron, Mich., in May after her 7-month-old baby fell from Banks' second-story bathroom window, suffering severe head injuries. Banks told a police officer that she was bathing the child when "it reared up and went through the window." And in Wetumpka, Ala., in August, Melissa Wright, 27, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for putting her 18-month-old daughter in a hot oven. Wright's version was that the child slipped from her arms, fell to the floor, and rolled into the oven, and then the door closed.

Denver Garrett, charged with cocaine possession in Monterey, Tenn., in October, told police he bought it only to keep it off the streets and away from children. And James Howle, 61, and Kevin Williams, 41, stabbed each other in Pomona, Calif., in October in an argument over which of their two unidentified alcoholic beverages tastes better.

Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (67) The usually elderly, momentarily confused driver who intends to stop but mistakenly slams on the gas pedal, often resulting in major destruction, such as the 82-year-old Rochester, N.Y., woman who plowed into nine new cars at a Hyundai dealership in September. (68) And the marijuana entrepreneur, with plants and grow equipment throughout his house, who nonetheless calls police in to report a relatively minor crime against him, such as the Victoria, British Columbia, man who in August insisted police come see the video he made of a break-in of his car but was oblivious of his home's powerful marijuana smell.

On Oct. 29, thousands of rush-hour riders had to be rerouted on New York City commuter trains as firefighters tried to free Edwin Gallart, 41, whose arm got stuck in one train's toilet when he reached in to retrieve his fallen cell phone. (Ultimately, the toilet had to be ripped out.) And the next day in South Philadelphia, a 25-year-old man who had apparently been indecently exposing himself to girls and women in the neighborhood for several weeks, tried it one time too many and was chased by "20 to 30" girls from St. Maria Goretti High School, caught, roughed up, and held for police.

A senior Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, told a BBC Radio audience in October that condoms are useless in preventing the spread of HIV (because the virus seeps through the porous latex) and therefore should not be used, even in AIDS-wracked Africa, where as much as 20 percent of the population is reportedly infected. The World Health Organization denounced Trujillo's claim but said it had heard similar Catholic Church messages in Asia and Latin America.

In October, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration's inspector general released questions from the final exam for airport screeners, designed to measure the crucial, intensive training that the screeners had just completed. One question: "How do threats get on board an aircraft?" The supposedly challenging answers: "a. In carry-on bags; b. In checked-in bags; c. In another person's bag; d. All of the above." If that is too difficult, the inspector general also complained that 22 of the exam's 25 questions were repeats from previous exams and that some test-takers were briefed in advance.

Police officer James Marriner, 43, appeared at a hearing in Brisbane, Australia, in September on 15 counts related to sexual harassment of members of the Bible-based community he lived in near Ipswich, Queensland. Among the accusations: Marriner had requested nude photos, confidential sexual histories, and pubic-hair samples from well-meaning community members who had conscientiously agreed to help the local police crack a "pedophile ring" (which apparently existed only in Marriner's mind). Reportedly, being a police officer in such a sheltered community was a high-status job that gave him unusual powers of persuasion.

In Easton, Pa., in July, Robert M. Peters Sr., 47, became the latest man to be acquitted of indecent exposure by persuading a jury that his penis is too small to have been seen by the complaining witness. A woman testified that she had seen "3 inches" of erect penis beyond the bottom of his shorts while he was working in her home, but via photographs and a brief trouser-dropping in the courtroom, Peters convinced the jury that he is very modestly endowed and that she must have seen something else, such as a fold of fat on his 312-pound body.

Thinning the Herd...
A 22-year-old student from Saint-Denis, on the French island of Reunion, trying to get a better position for taking photographs of the Piton de la Fournaise volcano, got too close and fell in, to his death (August). And a 47-year-old man in Camp Verde, Ariz., who was apparently reaching up a utility pole to illegally hook up power to his business after having had it cut off for nonpayment, was electrocuted (July).

Two hunters on a remote mountain in northern Sweden in October came across an installation of 70 pairs of shoes filled with butter, according to an Associated Press report. Artist Yu Xiuzhen was attributed as the probable creator, in that he had staged a similar display in the Tibetan mountains surrounding Lhasa, China, in 1996. (A non-art-appreciating official in Sweden was more concerned about getting the shoes down before the butter rots.)

In April, according to Uganda's prison service, 15 inmates escaped near Kampala after allegedly having weakened the jail's walls and cell bars by months of urinating on them. Also in April, The New York Times reported that a pest-control professional in Stockton, Calif., had developed a new termite-detection method that relies on locating concentrations of methane gas that are expelled because of termites' high-fiber (i.e., wood) diet. And in October, a tipsy undersecretary in the Philippine government apologized after inadvertently urinating in the rear of President Arroyo's plane during flight, in an area he mistook for a restroom.

Mr. Ashrita Furman, 48, claims the world record for breaking world records (81, 20 of which are still recognized by the Guinness Book), demonstrating extraordinary but fanciful skills, such as the fastest mile run while balancing a bottle of milk on his chin, unicycling backward for 53 miles, and pogo-stick jumping (3,647). According to a June New York Times profile, Furman is a celibate bachelor with few possessions and lives quietly in an Indian-American community in Jamaica, N.Y., whose residents are spiritually guided by guru Sri Chinmoy. He said he would go the distance in the Nov. 2 New York City Marathon not by running but by skipping.

In a recent government raid on a Colombian rebel compound, authorities recovered a videotape apparently made at a Christmas party of the violent National Liberation Army (ELN) and released it to TV stations in September. Among the scenes on the tape was a mock beauty pageant featuring giddy male rebel soldiers, in bikini bottoms and with sashes across their chests, strutting along a makeshift catwalk, with tongue-in-cheek narration by a ski-masked emcee who playfully chides the contestants. Interspersed, however, were non-humorous scenes of kidnapped Colombians being held for ransom.

In September, a British government-funded charity, Family Planning Association, distributed a cartoon booklet teaching the joys of masturbation to a target audience of 9- to 11-year-old girls. Also in September, the British teen community-service organization Connexions distributed a primer on marijuana smoking printed on a poster resembling a package of rolling papers. And the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor this semester offered another edition of its sociology course, "How to Be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation" (but its creator said "initiation" is a sociological term and does not refer to initiation of straight students).

People Who Recently Failed to Get Out of the Line of Their Own Fire: (1) Jonathan Rodriguez, 17, Newark, Del. (a home-invasion suspect who batted on a door with the butt of his handgun, which fired into his groin; July). (2) Joshua Michael Short, 18, Houston (got up from a table at Memorial City Mall food court and bumped the gun that was in his waistband, firing a round into his buttocks; July). (3) Detroit police officer Michael Allen, 22 (tried to cram his gun under the front seat of his car at a Canadian border-crossing, but it discharged into his leg; July).

The Colorado prisons' inspector general's office said that because of the state's new no-smoking law, inmate profits of 450 times costs can be made on contraband tobacco, vs. typical profits of eight times costs on contraband cocaine. And the chief of a remote Fiji mountain village agreed to apologize for his ancestors, who killed and ate British missionary Thomas Baker in 1867 after Baker innocently pulled a comb out of the then-chief's hair. And 750 students in two Paris high schools went on strike after their principals decided to strictly enforce French law banning smoking in the schools.

From recent newspaper Police Logs: (1) Wayne Leonard Hoffman, 45, was arrested for DUI (0.39 reading) at a gas station in Minnetonka, Minn., where he was "attempting to add air to his vehicle's tires using a vacuum cleaner hose" (Lakeshore Weekly News, July). (2) Two Wilson, Wyo., men were feuding over a parking space at a K-Mart when one drove alongside the other and spit at him through his open window. According to the police report: "As (the victim) saw the projected body fluid traveling through the air, he dropped his jaw in shock, and the phlegm landed square in (his) mouth where he swallowed it in a gag reflex" (August, Jackson Hole News & Guide).

NYPD officers Paul Damore and Farrell Conroy were briefly suspended without pay in July for their conduct in the 45th Precinct station house in the Bronx, when they got into a fistfight over which one would get to be the driver of their patrol car.

Kids who commandeered family vehicles and drove off: Ms. Taccara King's 2-year-old son (crashed a pickup truck into the B Line Transport office, Vero Beach, Fla., July). Rex Davis, 2 (crashed a car into a room at a Red Roof Inn, Tampa, Fla., September). A 5-year-old girl and her 4-year-old brother (crashed car into a McDonald's, Edmonton, Alberta, September). A 6-year-old boy (drove his baby-sitter's car 30 miles, looking for his mother, hitting only three cars along the way, Luling, Texas, July). A 7-year-old boy, assisted by a 3-year-old girl holding down the gas pedal (crashed into a tree, Hannibal, N.Y., July).

ok im done now

2003-12-09T01:46:00.000-05:00

for those of you out there who do not read the weekly city paper for dc, i highly recommend the columns new of the weird and savage love. now, if you have not been keeping up with savage love, you do not know a term you really ought to...
from this week:

"I was listening to the radio today and Rick Santorum was mentioned. The first thought that popped into my head was, "Santorum? That frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex?" and not, "Santorum? That conservative prick?" Your column has worked the new meaning so far into my brain that it pops up first!
-Santorum Hits in Total

Thanks for sharing, SHIT, and I want you to know that you're not alone: Many people have written in to say that "frothy mix" pops to mind first whenever they hear Senator Santorum's name on the news, which they've been hearing a lot lately, what with Senator Santorum busily undermining abortion rights and bemoaning gay marriage.

Some of the mail is from readers who are angry about this popping effect. These readers are sick to death of reading about santorum--the senator and the stain--in my column. To the santorumphobes out there, I say this: There are other advice columns out there--fine examples of the genre, from the Ethicist in the New York Times to Dear Prudence on Slate to Real Estate Reality Check in the Vashon Island Beachcomber--and none of these columns would touch santorum with a 10-foot pole. (I can't, however, vouch for none of the columnists themselves ever having left santorum on a 10-foot pole.) Santorumphobes in need of an advice fix are welcome to read one of these other fine columns this week and then return to Savage Love next week, because this week's column is awash in santorum.

But after this week--I swear to God!--I will not discuss santorum at any length again, as my efforts to spread the word are moving to a dedicated website. But first I want to tend to these santorum-related, uh, loose ends....

Just an FYI from the folks selling a line of santorum T-shirts....
We've had a few orders from people who work in Senate offices (for U.S. senators!). I don't think Rick Santorum is popular with his colleagues. I'm smiling right now, envisioning Santorum strolling past a Senate aide wearing a "SANTORUM--The frothy mixture that says I love you" T-shirt in the hallowed halls of our nation's Capitol. "Frothy mixture" is our most popular shirt (available at www.extraugly.com). Sign me....
-Politicians Out of Private Stuff

P.S. Did you get the shirts that we sent to you?

I got the shirts, POOPS, and thanks. Speaking of people who work for U.S. senators....

As a congressional staffer here in Washington, D.C., I have to keep myself from giggling every time I pass Rick Santorum in the Capitol, but that's not the point of this e-mail. I typed "Santorum" into Google to see for myself, and I noticed that the page right after your column has a great summary quote:
"Rick Santorum had only been in the senate for a few weeks when Bob Kerrey, then Senator from Nebraska, pegged him."
-AC

Former Senator Bob Kerrey didn't peg Santorum in the Savage Love sense of the word. (Kerrey can't, as pegging by definition is a woman fucking a man with a strap-on dildo.) On the website CounterPunch, Jeffrey St. Clair claims Kerrey "pegged" Santorum by saying, "Santorum--that's Latin for asshole." If he said it, Kerrey was ahead of the curve.

I've only heard you use "santorum" in reference to gay anal sex. Does it apply to straight butt sex too?
-I Love Straight Anal

Straight people have anuses, don't they? Butt? Of course! And guess what? Straight people pump out a hell of a lot more santorum than gay people.

The best estimate of the number of gay men in the United States and Canada is three percent of the male population, or roughly 4.5 million cock-hungry males out of a population of 300 million men and women. According to The Social Organization of Sexuality (University of Chicago Press, 1994), 10 percent of straight men and nine percent of straight women reported engaging in anal sex, which works out to more than 50 million straight people buttfucking their brains out. The Chicago study was conducted a decade ago, and the number of straight people engaging in anal sex has, without a doubt, skyrocketed, thanks to anal porn and Trent Ford. So the amount of santorum produced in North America by gay men, ILSA, is but a trickle compared to the tsunami of santorum produced by straight folks.

A former bartender, I wanted to do my part to popularize "santorum," so this straight man concocted a recipe for the Santorum Shot: 1/2 oz. dirty-ass well vodka; 1/2 oz. créme de cacao (dark); a dash of cream; a splash of seltzer water. Place hand over top of shot glass, slam on table, and voilà! A frothy brownish mixture.
-Santorum Haters Open Wide

Dawn at Barca was kind enough to whip up a Santorum Shot for me, SHOW. It looked appropriately disgusting but tasted absolutely divine! I recommend them!

I work in the film business in Toronto and I recently worked on the Dawn of the Dead remake, with Zack Snyder directing.
We were shooting a scene with Sarah Polley and Jake Weber in which they were supposed to be drinking horrible coffee and commenting to each other of its foul taste. I implored Zack to do one take using the term "santorum" in reference to the coffee. The scene was brilliant with the term, and I told Zack that if he kept it in the movie, he'd be making a great contribution to society! At the wrap party they played a blooper reel. When they showed Jake referring to his coffee tasting like "santorum," half the room exploded with laughter and the other half begged to be let in on the joke. Hollywood is behind you, Dan!
-Rusty in Toronto

If the "santorum" scene doesn't make it into the new Dawn of the Dead, RIT, I hope Zack Snyder can be persuaded to at least include the santorum scene on the DVD. Pretty please, Zack?

And now... the new website, where santorumphiles can track the spread of santorum, thus sparing santorumphobes from ever having to read "that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" in my column ever again. Santorum sightings, links to websites that mention santorum, information on getting the word into The Oxford English Dictionary, and much, much more can be found at www.spreadingsantorum.com. "

so who wants to try the frothy mixture bar drink with me, eh?

2003-12-07T18:53:00.000-05:00

havent done a stupid survey in a while.. why not im bored, but im just deleting every question i dont feel like answering

ribbons/bows:: um ribbons
Chicken/beef:: no fucking meat
Colored christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: colored! except back in the day when the black cat had white icicle lights hanging over the b/w checkered floor, that was so pretty
Cars/trucks:: hm id like to say monster trucks.. but then theres the pollution issue..
Austin Powers/James Bond:: James Bond
Popcorn/pretzels:: Pretzels
Hip/hop:: Both?
Passionate kiss/peck:: passion
WWE wrestling/ real wrestling:: whatever peels your banana
Back rub/foot massage:: mm back rub, i dont get the foot thing
Picture frames/photo albums:: Photo Albums
Pens/pencils:: depends on what youre drawing

What Is Your Opinion Of The Following

Eminem:: hahaha hell yeah
Virgins:: if thats what you want
God:: havent ever believed in one and cant exactly imagine it, but then again science gets to a point without an explanation too, i believe in evolution and i guess the big bang and all, but you still get to matter can neither be created nor destroyed, so how is anything possible? and how can the universe either end or not end? or time? so who knows, organized religion seems dumb to me cuz its putting faith in people who are clearly corrupt, but i have no expanation either
The Osbournes:: never watched anything with them, they seem as dumb and annoying as every other pop icon
Reality TV:: stupid
J.Lo:: stupid
Religion:: see above, but i tend to think organized religion is evil
Emo music:: annoying usually, not always, whatever makes you happy
Valentine's Day:: a day which inevitably builds up those who dont need it and crushes those who do
Christina Aguilera's comeback:: comeback?
Homosexuals:: people
Abortion:: i think its wrong to some extent once the fetus can feel or think (has a central nervous system), but should still always be the womans choice, and in many cases is less wrong even after that point than having the child just becauseof the many ways the world is fucked up and people are fucked up, and that overpopulation is the cause of all the worlds problems
Inter-racial relationships:: people
Murder:: hm, ive thought about what punishments for it are right or wrong but i guess ive never really thought about the act itself, i mean its wrong but i guess it depends on what other wrong it is preventing
Death:: a necessary component of life
Obesity:: shouldnt matter, but how healthy you are does
Pre-marital sex:: hell yes. i mean live a little people, its what we are designed to do
Terrorism:: such a stupid term, it can mean anything
Pornography:: no personal experience, but if you enjoy it go for it
Fortune Tellers:: eh, can be fun, not worth money
Threesomes:: haha go for it
Prostitution:: go for it
Politics:: what question are you asking?
Country music:: if you like it
George W. Bush:: is such an idiot
Cloning:: what a waste of money!! we have other problems
Britney's boobs:: who cares
Gas prices in America:: should be higher, we need to conserve, did you know we'll run out in 45 yrs at our present rate? and that rate is sure to climb

Have You Ever....

Mooned anyone:: Yes
Been on a diet:: yes
Been to a foreign country:: yes, a little
Broken a bone:: never
Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling:: nope
Swear at a teacher:: yes
Talked to an lj member via emails or instant messages:: uh yeah
Got in a fight:: i wish!
Dated a teacher:: no
Laughed so hard you peed your pants:: no
Thought about killing your enemy:: of course
Gone skinny dipping:: no, but that needs to go on my list
Met another lj member in the flesh:: yeah, and it was fuckin hot.
Told a little white lie:: of course
Told a secret you swore not to tell:: yes
Stolen anything:: All the time.
Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid:: yeah
Been on TV:: nope
Been on the radio:: nope
Been in a mosh pit:: of course
Been to a concert:: of course
Dated one of your best friends:: yeah, and they remained one of my best friends
Loved someone so much it makes you cry:: yes
Deceived somebody close to you:: yes
Broken the law:: yes
Been to a rodeo:: no, ugh, so pointless
Been on a talk show:: no
Been on a game show:: no
Been on an airplane:: yes
Got to ride on a firetruck:: um im not sure i dont think so
Came close to dying:: yes
Cheated on a bf/gf:: nope
Gave someone a piggy back ride:: yes
Terrorized a babysitter:: im sure
Made a mud pie:: yes
Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff:: yeah
Snuck out of the house at night:: i guess sort of, but its not really sneaking out when they dont really care
Been so drunk you don't remember your name:: i dont know, ive certainly been as drunk as you can without dying
Had an eating disorder:: i guess so
Felt like you didn't belong:: yes
Felt like the 3rd wheel:: yes
Smoked:: yes, and if you mean ganja then hell yes!
Done drugs:: fuck yeah, most of em
Been arrested:: no, been close
Had your tonsils removed:: no i dont think so
Gone to camp:: yeah, for like 5 years
Won a bet:: yup
Written a love letter:: nope
Gone out of your way to be with the one you love:: of course
Written a love poem:: god no, ugh
Kissed in the rain:: yes
Slow danced with someone you love:: hehe yes
Participated in an orgy:: oh yeah baby, all the time...
Faked an orgasm:: um..
Stolen a kiss:: stolen? what a dumb question
Asked a friend for relationship advice:: yes
Had a friend steal your bf/gf:: no, unless 8th grade counts
Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love:: yeah i suppose
Gotten a speeding ticket:: yes and it was petty
Done jail time:: no, ugh, scary
Had to wear a uniform to work:: if the subway uniform counts
Won a trophy:: yeah
Thrown up in public:: of course
Bowled a perfect game:: no, i wish!
Failed/got held back:: no
Got perfect attendance in grade school:: hahaha noo way
Roasted pumpkin seeds:: mmmm yes
Taken ballet/karate lessons:: i take world martial arts/ hiep-tinh-mon
Attempted suicide:: um yes but not anymore thats so dumb
Cut yourself:: see above

Childhood Stuff

Did you play with Barbies/G.I. Joes:: no, i think i mightve cut off a barbie head once
Did you own Treasure Trolls:: ??
Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210:: never
Did you play Simon Says:: yeah
Did you watch Fraggle Rock:: no
Did you wet the bed:: when i was really little
Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed:: not monsters, but people sometimes
Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them:: haha no
Were you shy:: yes
Were you spoiled:: not at all
Were you abused:: no
Did you go to the circus:: cirque-de-soleil (sp?) ! but no animals, boycott the circus
Did you go to the zoo:: yes
Were you in a car accident:: um one minor one til recently
Did you build snowmen:: of course!! like the one from calvin n hobbes where the chicken is axing off the mans head
Did you cry when you scraped your knee:: i doubt it i was a tomboy
Were your older cousins mean to you:: probably, dont really remmeber
Did you think slinkies were cool:: yeah
Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer:: no
Were you afraid of the dark:: i dont think so
Did you have slumber parties:: of course, and biult forts!
Did you have New Kids on the Block sheets, pillows, pajamas, sleeping bag?: no
Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany:: no, i dont know who that is
Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy:: no

Randomness

Do you believe in aliens:: yeah, i think its really unlikely that we are the only living beings out there, but theyre probably incredibly different
Name three things that are next to your computer:: cds, dirty dishes, an amnesty calendar
Do you have any hidden talents:: no, i suck at everything
Do you wish MTV would play music videos:: dont care, no cable and if i had it i wouldnt watch
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be:: ummmm i have no idea.. a documentary on soemthing interesting
What would your movie star name be:: ??? i still dont have a nickname
Do you play any sports:: no, i used to love soccer
What's the scariest movie you've ever seen:: ooh thats tough.. the cube or the shining maybe
What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently:: um battle royale or dead alive
What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen:: most of them
Do you drive:: yes... winky!!! :[
What is your dream car:: my poor dead winky.. or a hybrid
Do you think your good looking:: ugh no
Do others think you are good looking:: i dont know
Would you ever sky dive:: hell yeah thats on the list
Do you believe in Bigfoot:: um no
How many rooms do you have in your house:: i dont know.. if bathrooms count then 12 or 13
Are you afraid of roller coasters:: i love reollercoasters!!
Do you believe in God:: no
Do you believe in Satan:: definitely no
Do you believe there is a heaven:: no
Do you believe there is a hell:: no
Do you own a pooltable:: no
Do you have a pool:: no
Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen:: yes
Do you like chocolate:: yes if its vegan.. in fact.. be right back
Who/what is on your 2003 calendar:: umm too much school
How many U.S. states have you been to:: most of them, ive driven across the country 4 times and taken differnet windy routes every time
Ever wished on a shooting star:: haha sure, i love wishing on everything,the best thing to wish on is when youre at a metro station you make a wish and then if the door opens in front of you then its supposed to come true, its just kinda fun :]
Best Halloween costume you ever wore:: um i dont know, as a kid i was always either a bat or a gypsy, this year i was ms scarlet from clue that was kinda fun
Do you carry any weapons on you:: just my badass fighting skillZ
What is your weakness:: um where do i start
Name something you can't get enough of:: music
Describe yourself in 3 adjectives:: vegan, pessimistic, TALL
How many kids do you want to have:: NONE the world is overpopulated enough
Future daughters names:: hm
Future sons names:: hm
What is your ideal way to die:: either fighting for a cause or really doped up
How do you release stress:: talk to greg, do martial arts, eat food, smoke (bud), sleep
Do you consider yourself a trendy person:: um
Are you an artisitic person:: id like to be
Are you a realistic person?:: i think so
Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off:: no
Are you a strong person:: hell yeah i can rip you to shreds
Are you a strong willed person:: i dont know, compared to what
Who is the last person to e-mail you:: probably one of the animal rights organizations
Who is the last person to IM you:: greg
Do you hate chain e-mails:: yes
Are you a deep sleeper:: yes and i never wkae up
Are you a good story teller:: i dont know
What do you believe is your best quality:: i dont know, being a vegan in my mind
What is your greatest accomplishment:: see above
Do you like to burn candles or incense:: um i guess theyre both ok i dont really use em
Do you have your own credit card:: no
Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?:: use it for a good cause
Do you have a check book:: no
Do you like your drivers licence:: sure
Do you tan easily:: i dont htink so
What color is your hair naturally:: brown
How many fillings do you have:: none
How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit:: none
Worst feeling in the world?: lots of things while youre experiencing them, its hard to compare later, and im sure i wouldnt have felt the worst anyway
Best feeling in the world:: hmmmmmm... :]
Is the glass half empty or half full:: jesus
Last thing you downloaded:: belle and sebastian i think
Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?:: no
What do you think people think of you:: im that annoying preachy vegan girl
Are you a likeable person:: depends i guess
Do you need therapy:: only from my friends
Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance:: im supposed to, but no
Do you love your bf/gf:: yes
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it FED UP:: sure
When are you moving:: august i guess
What's your favorite phrase:: woop woop pull ova that ass too fat!

i feel enlightened

2003-12-02T22:31:00.000-05:00

so i never realized how attached to that little car i was until now.. but its really sad to lose it. i had so many good times in it or with its assistance.. and now that its tires and radiator were replaced it was really a pretty good car, it actually accelerated really well and stuff, and i was getting to be pretty good at handling it. :[ poor winky. i was just thinking earlier today how it would be fun to race someone in it someday.. oh well, i will miss you buddy.

greg says:
R.I.P winky, thanks for all the fun times you made possible and gettin me so many places, next time I get the chance I'll pour a shot out for ya, have fun in car heaven you beautiful little pediddle, say hi to my babies for me too

2003-12-02T20:28:00.000-05:00

LIFE SUCKS. everything is wrong. im failing school, me and greg keep fighting, my parents hate me and are fighting, today i got in a fucking car accident. this fucking 90 year old asshoel who should not have a fucking license pulled out in front of me and there was nothing i could do to avoid him so my car is totalled. and we arent gonna get compensated for it at all. so we're just fucked. and my dad insists its my fault just cuz he hates me. i just hate everything. fuck

Head, pressure, senses, clutched
Date, Divinity, wouldn't, fuck
Touched, hazy, God, change
Rush, floor, life, veins

Chorus:
From a head full of pressure rests the senses that I clutch
Made a date with Divinity, but she wouldn't let me fuck
I got touched by a hazy shaded, God help me change
Caught a rush on the floor from the life in my veins

It goes one for the cannabis, and two for your dianoetics
Three for your reasoning, and four for those that try to get it
Five for your love, and six for the stress
And seven for the day that I climbed into this mess

CHORUS

I'm catching ulcers from the child proof lighters
And all these fine tooth biters that keep the wires in my head tighter
I tired out by the distances achieved walking in my sleep
Floors got shifted since the high got a tad too deep
Ask dad to keep cool, I'll call him back as soon as I resume normal
And get out of this bathroom
And call management to seek some reimbursement
For the nerve ending that burnt from the first hits

CHORUS

So fuck needles, fuck smoke
Fuck lines that make the sinus choke
Fuck chasers, trails, fuck waves and rails
Fuck hang-overs, fuck hallucinations
Regurgitations, mandatory sentences and UA tracing
Blind my insight and dull the common sense
Give me inner vision, kill the superstition and the confidence
Built the tolerance, now it's more that I consume it
When it boards up my room, the world's whores will croon in unison
Unify the eulogy, autopsy pages read euthanasia, I.E., irony
But here I be within a pool of my drool
Sedated, windows dilated, comatose, life overdose
Tell Jacob Miles to keep it wild style
I promise I'll smile
And check the floor, God's got nice tile
Tell Jacob Mile to keep that shit wild style
And I'll smile
And check the floor, God's got nice tile

CHORUS

Head, pressure, senses, clutched
Date, Divinity, wouldn't, fuck
Touched, hazy, God, change
Rush, floor, life, veins

-Atmosphere (God's Bathroom Floor)

ok there are so many different versions of those lyrics out there i really cant be sure these are right, but anyway great song

2003-12-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

Your Far Out Fantasy Is Robot Sex!

A lover you custom mold would be heaven.

It won't happen now, but maybe in 2027.

A machine who will do it all night, and never drop.

A little weird, but at least a robot won't ask to be on top.

How to explore your fantasy:

- Watch lots of robot movies... alone! (Star Wars, Terminator, Short Circuit)

- Practice with a love doll (Joe and Jullian for boy lovers - Alicia and Cyberskin Chic for girl lovers)

- Play the Robot Sex Game

- Play with a Virtual Pornstar

What's Your Far Out Fantasy?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-12-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

You Are A Hitachi Magic Wand!

You're all about no frills sex

And this huge vibe (big enough for two)...

Well, it gets the job done :-)

Just watch out for the rug burn!

More Info On The Hitachi Magic Wand Here...

What Lesbian Sex Toy Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-12-01T23:29:00.000-05:00

You Would Make $50 a Night!

You've got the raw sex drive (and hot pants) to walk the streets

And all those $10 oral quickies add up over time!

How Much Could You Make as a Prostitute?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-12-01T21:49:00.000-05:00

You're BEER!

(Yet another!) What reel big fish song are you!
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

You are A ROBOT! You're a real oddball who is into
sci-fi, outer space, mathematics, and the like.
You are most likely immensely into Star Wars or
Star Trek.

What scenester fad are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

The Toasters

What Ska band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-01T13:59:00.000-05:00

stuff i need to catch up on:
RP: chpt 3, 3 worksheets, pre-bibliography; ENV: chpts 9, 11, 8, 2 projects; LIT: read the stranger; PSYCH: worksheet, 2 or 3 seminar essays, study for test; PHYS: chpts 11, 12, ap question, study for test; CALC: no clue; maryland app; write thank yous for recommendations; write letter to gaga that i should have months ago
it wouldnt hurt to clean my messy as room or car either

2003-12-01T13:26:00.000-05:00

its funny cuz i hate tequila

Congratulations!! You're a shot of some good old
hard liquor!

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-11-30T23:09:00.000-05:00

ok not that this matters but small error in the previous entry- the shopping with people was friday night before the dinner thing, and saturday night i hung out with andrew brendan and jeff, we went and saw cat in the hat which was so incredibly stupid, haha after the movie it was like 1 am and the mall was deserted and i went into the xmas setup in the middle and sat in the santa chair and was santa with brendan on my lap and stole candy canes to through at people and this creepy ass pink bunny easter mask thing. anyway then me andrew and jeff just hung out at andrews house and it was really fun, i love them. oh yeah and i helped them film their video breifly which was also fun, and finally saw the inside of berts house :]
anyway then on friday night sarah had her party, their were a gazillion people there and it was pretty fun, i didnt drink that much but i got smacked like 7 times within a couple hours so that was cool. maybe not quite as much fun as her other parties (the first one in particular!) but definitely enjoyable. oh yeah especially since gab showed up and surprised us! yay! (notice the lack of an E sarah? eh? eh? do ya?) and then saturday night was sooo much fun, it wasnt really a party as much, but it was great, just me sarah greg juliet brendan and andrew and kenny. i got really really drunk, and it was one of those drunk states where everything is just incredibly exciting and happy and blissful, i loved it. hehe we had a squirt gun fight and then we went and lit off a firecracker that got left at sarahs, at first we tried to light it onto the beltway but it was too windy so we just went to a park, it was cool. later me and greg went for a walk and curled up together on the ground in the woods for a while and almost went to sleep :] of course the peace was shattered when we thought we heard people in the woods and staggered back to sarahs, haha.. great great great. i had a horrible hangover today but meh, except i got up super early so i could go to driver improvement program at 9 fucking am. bleh! it was actually pretty amusing though becuase everyone there just told ridiculous stories about why they were there, and drugs, and all sorts of scheming against the law. also the room next to us in the building was rented out as a gospel church on sundays so loud music was booming in on us the entire time, i was rockin out. oh yeah and one of the guys i was talkin to in my DIP class turned out to be some long time friend of russells which is funny. and then i got greg to take him to his bus... and we sort of had a fight. thing. :[ bah. i feel stupid. hopefully hes gonna get home so i can tlak to him soon. and i still have not done chpt 3 for rp or any other homework or the md application which is due in under an hour. oh yeah. but all told an excellent break :] gnight

2003-11-30T22:17:00.000-05:00

You Will Have Sex With 2 People!

That's like one person, ever four years

Maybe it's true that everyone gets two true loves

Or maybe one true love and one screw up

For a girl, you're about average... for a guy, a little inactive

How Many People Will You Have Sex With?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

well, guess this is it for me then

2003-11-30T22:12:00.000-05:00

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

2003-11-30T22:01:00.000-05:00

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Awesome!

2003-11-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

Whoop!
Huh?
What that bitch got all that ass for?
Man pull that hoe over that bitch gotta get a ticket

1 - [trick daddy]
Whoop! whoop!
Pull over that ass is too fat
Whoop! whoop!
Pull over that ass is too fat

Repeat 1 (3x)

[trina]
Dumps in the truck
Thighs like what?
Ain't nann hoe got more booty in the butt
Sisqo made that song when he seen me in a
Thong! th-thong! thong! thong!
I know you like the way the booty go
Like a pro
Slip him off the bed, throw him on the floor
Turn on the cameras start the freak show
This ass even make black rob say whoa
I got a fat ass playa nigga can't pass up
Juvenile couldn't even back this azz up
Bone don't you know lil' mama fully loaded
I got a fat ass and i know how to tote it
You wanna fuck?
Twenty g's for the nut
Keys to the mansion, keys to the truck
What? y'all know what's up
Ain't nann hoe got more booty in the trunk

Repeat 1 (4x)

Who got more ass than the average bitch?
You know it's the baddest bitch
Number ten in the face slim in the waist
Fat in the ass, do you want a taste?
Pop to the bass i'mma make ya drop
(whoop! whoop!)
Trina fixin' ta make ya hot
Uh me and the girls hit the club and clown

-Trina featuring Trick Daddy (Pull Over)

2003-11-28T14:24:00.000-05:00

well, this break has been just great! lets see, friday night was zach's birthday dinner thing at Franklin's, which was fun, and then people came back to my house afterward for some good times.. beer, vodka chugging contest with carlo, percaset (sp??), random people zach met on a yacht or soemthing showing up, smoking the monsta, puking... then saturday hung out with i think sarah and lauren and james and went shopping, hit my new highest speed of 115 (go baby go!) hahaha, then sunday hung out with sarah and russell which was fun, sarah bought 1/2 oz for this weekend :], monday me n sarah drove out to langways to try buying our own liquor which we got carded for of course, but it was hilarious the guy working there was just like just get someone here to buy it for you, so i hey mistered and the only 2 people i asked bought what i wanted, which was great :] i feel so independent, didnt have to get an older friend to buy anything for me! then tuesday greg got here, and i bought him his tattoos, which look sweet! a spricket on the top of the right wrist and leif's flying brain on the top of the left wrist, then we went back to my house and zach informed me that he had left his altoids tin at my house with all his drugs in it- according to him over 1/8 of kindbud and a bottle of percaset, so naturally we scoured the house for it, dug through the trash, and drove my car onto the playground to properly light it to see if wed droppedit there, and no luck except we found a single percaset on the floor... i dont know thats kind of annoying cuz i guess its good to be chill about losing that much stuff, but what if my mom or someone had found it just sitting somewhere? i mean thats not cool.. but anyway i think it got thrown away or soemthing.. anyway so that night me and greg each bumped a line of one morphine and half a percaset each, which was fun, and then we made vegan choc chip cookies.. mmmm.. then on wednesday i went to georgetown with tara and stole a lot of stuff together which was fun :] always good clean fun with the sistas, then wed night was LESS THAN JAKE!! YEAH!! THAT SHOW WAS AMAZING! they played soooo many good songs, i was up at the very front and center for the first maybe 6 songs, including dopeman, which i attempted to do the motions to, but after having the life crushed out of me for that long and being bruised all over and almost breaking my arm or getting trampled and not being able to breathe i gravitated toward the back a bit and met up with mike, then sarah, and then greg n russ for the remainder, and there was just a big skanking pit which is always great :] man it was so great!!! LESS THAN JAKE! so afterward me greg sarah and mike slept over at mikes house and had a lot of fun, fell asleep to dinosaur, a greay movie if i may say so, and i maintain that it is more about moses than land before time SARAH >:l hmph. :] aaand then yesterday was thanksgivign.. we had soooo much good food. daphne was here (yaayy!) and tara and mom and dad, and rory and daphnes friend karen, who brought her dogs and we took em to play with trixie, they were all perfectly matched! and the food, oh the food. mmmmmmmm :] tofurkey and stuffing and gravy and dumplings and mashed potatoes and cranberry relish and yams and salad and sparkling cider and wine and pumpkin pie and choc chip cookies ooohh man food is good. and we all just hung out and argued about stuff it was great. and daphne for my birthday gave me this hoodie with a car and hot chick on the back that says satin dream.. hehe, and she said she would buy me vegan shoes, but the ones i love they dont have in my size, so i think ill just wait til they have more i like, so shes giving me money for clothes instead and giving me shoes for christmas :] i love daphne!! and today i think me n RAH might go shoppin and tonight is her partay and tomorrow is too, ugh tomorrow morning i have to go to fucking driver improvement, blah :[ its a fucking six hour class starting at 9 am, i know im gonna have a hangover... oh well then more partying and good stuff. what a GREAT BREAK!! GEEZ! haha peace

2003-11-28T14:00:00.000-05:00

How many things that you believe
Are straight out of TV and magazines
And when comfort comes before truth
Can you say that you never knew,
Sitting in front of your TV,
Do you believe the lies
Given to us from another time
And can you say that everything is fine
when your ideology is only right half the time
I'm growing up on the couch
-Less Than Jake

2003-11-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

I went through the automatic doors
My shopping cart ran in to hers
Our eyes met for a second, then she turned away
And after just a little while
I went in to the canned goods aisle
And there she was just standing there smiling
I was hoping she'd look at me
But she was checking out the lima beans
And artichoke, my heart was broken in pieces
By my supermarket fantasy
I didn't want to seem obsessed
I checked Farina off my list
But I couldn't keep my mind off those perfect lips
I saw her start to walk my way
Thought that everything would be ok
Then I ran in to the cocoa puffs display
I hurried to the checkout line
Wishing I could push back time
I looked around and she was right behind me
My supermarket fantasy
I wanna clip your coupons girl
I wanna squeeze your charmin too
I wanna be your grocery bagger forever
And we'll go shopping every night
Up and down the empty aisles
And I'll always make sure your melons are ripe
But I can't get up the nerve
I can have the best buys in the world
But I'll never share a shhopping cart with her
My supermarket fantasy
-Screeching Weasel

Awesome!

2003-11-17T19:49:00.000-05:00

bah. failed physics test. failed calc test. failed something else. man i am not doing so great.. i need to get my act together

2003-11-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

i found my old snowboarding pants!!! yaayy i thought they were lost for so long, man i cant wait to go again, its gonna be awesome. hopefully we'll be able to afford it.. so greg came this weekend, and i gave him a little envelope as a birthday present which inside of it had an ad for fatty's tattooz, plus some sketches my and sarah made of sprickets, and he was SUPPOSED to bring the picture of leifs brain (i got russ to ask him to bring it cuz i didnt want to give it away) but he didnt.. so he'll get the tattoos in 2 weeks when he's here for thanksgiving :] he really liked it though, im glad. a bunch of people slept over last night too, that was a lot of fun. well time for homework... heh right.

2003-11-14T09:09:00.000-05:00

Threat rating: Low. You are annoying, but too much
of a softy tree hugger to pose any threat to
the mighty machine of Republican progress. And
the FBI know where you live.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

woop woop! represent yo

2003-11-12T22:14:00.000-05:00

i got an A in env!! that gives me Bs in calc and lit, and a gpa of 4.36 :]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREG! I LOVE YOU!

2003-11-12T01:36:00.000-05:00

[random sample]
All the peeps said I wouldn't laugh
Don't make me laugh, don't make me laugh

[Sage Francis]
I'd give a twenty one gunshot salute
With a toy rifle you bought me but it won't shoot
And all is well because there's been one too many shots
The sterile robots want to talk to me about Detox
Stop the presses, there's been an update
Delivered via 1:30 AM phone call
When an only half-informative sauce talks discretely
Meet me-- at the family room at the side of the Intensive Care Unit
Immediately, I'll carry a tune
The sirens so loud, can't hear my music
Keep free-- of negative thoughts, everything'll be fine
We all assume... That it would go back to the way things were
That it would go back to normal soon
Saw the moon in a way that I never seen it before
When I looked up that night into the sky wondering why
Lookin' for answers, guess I ain't ask right
I'm guessin most of yall out there know exactly what that's like
What that's like, now tell me what's that like?

It's like a whirlwind of emotions occurs when moms and dads fight
It's like when a girl grins, an emotion of hers
That holds your arm, and grabs tight
Hurl him into the ocean, one of them cold sweat heat flash types
With extreme fluctuations and temperature changes
Have been known to crack pipes...
...crack pipes...crack pipes...

Meet me-- half way in a gold, extra length just to help your strength
Meet me-- at the AA meeting, needing to take more then 12 steps
Bring me to your hiding place, so I can face your vice grip
I'll chisel every single monkey off your back with this ice pick
Come meet up with me on the sidelines when the game is over
Just to say hello, then afterwards, backstage
To let me know that you enjoyed the show
And go to grandma's house for Sunday dinner
Sit at the table take away the fatal flaw
you made the day before, I seen you bleed
Meet me-- on Christmas Eve, we can fight but make up before you leave
Make peace with the rest of those that rest in pieces on my dreams
Meet me at the fork in the road where lost souls get decisive
Meet me at the crossroads so I can have someone to walk into the light with

-Sage Francis

Alright just got this song suggested to me, and I really like it, so up it goes.

2003-11-11T00:09:00.000-05:00

AAAAGHHH i just wrote a huge post and fucking blogger erased it GODDAMNIT! now i have to start all over again. briefer. i was gonna say the animal liberation conference was amazing. i feel incredibly empowered and supported, and i ask anyone reading this to take 5 minutes to watch the video on the link in caps to the right ---> and if anyone would ever like to discuss veganism or jsut learn facts about say, the factory farms that 25 billion animals suffer in each year in the US alone, let me know. after school i went to the vegetarianism debate, which i guess we won but didnt seem to be successful in convincing anyone unfortunately. it was cool that people from the opposing side came up afterward and sortof congratulated me though. except this one fucking dumb bitch who was all its my "personal choice" not to eat meat and how can you impose your beliefs on me, "youre just using cruelty as an excuse- if it wasnt that youd just say something else to stop people fromeating meat" UGH YOU DUMB BITCH I HATE YOU and afterwards she came up to me and insisted my shoes were leather when they are fucking canvas and rubber you dumbass!!! i fucking hate people. but anyway the point of this entry was to record my grades cuz we got report cards today so on to that- in rp i got an A, in env an I cuz i took a test after the quarter ended (hopefully ill find out tomorrow), in art an A (woop woop!), in lit a B which i am fucking pissed off about cuz this quarter i made sure to turn in everything on time and barely missed any classes (like 2 or 3 tops) and the only essays i got back i had As on.. grr! i am going to have to talk to her about that... but anyway then in psych i got an A, physics an A, calc a B (luckily!! i so deserved worse in that one..) leaving me with a final gpa of 4.25, which will change (probably for the worst) when i get my env. grade. i wonder what i got... i only did like a fourth of the homework.. but most classwork i think... other than missing a lot of class... but i got over 100% on the tests.. hm ill find out soon i suppose. well ok. once again didnt do homework, how bout that? i ahve no motivation to work or go to class now that i quit tweaking.. its kinda bad.. plus all i do now is eat all the time.. but NO no excuses! other than that.. and sorta thinking about it a lot, i already feel more alert and happy most of the time, its really good. except i have been wanting to sort of a lot today.. but yeah. bedtime. fuck work. gnight one and all :]

2003-11-07T00:18:00.000-05:00

actually, as an amendment, that is never going to work. I QUIT ENTIRELY. IM NOT TWEAKING ANYMORE.

2003-11-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

soo sorry about that last entry, ive been really depressed recently. thanks to you guys who commented :] and i think ive decided.. i really really cant keep tweaking this much. i cant keep sleeping only every 3rd night or so, and being exhausted all the time, and being weird and on edge. i cant keep it up its ridiculous, and its warping everything about me. i realized how much happier i am when im on a second day of being untweaked, and therefore recovered from its effects i guess. so i just need to learn to do work and handle stuff without it. like basically quit. i mean.. not entirely... but definitely almost. so yeah. make me stick to that.

2003-11-05T20:42:00.000-05:00

im so lonely... today was laurens birthday, happy birthday lauren :] but.. ugh i just wish i like, even knew how to be friends with people anymore.. i dont get what happened.. but like i just cant even interact with people anymore... nothing makes me smile or laugh naturally, i have to like force myself to, i dont get why, just i cant even carry on a conversation, nothing is interesting, everything just seems so stupid, i dont know. ugh whatever. im just rambling as usual... back to homework

2003-11-05T01:00:00.000-05:00

Slowly fading blue
The eastern hollows catch
The dying sun
Night time follows
Silent and black
Mirror pool mirrors
The lonely place
Where I meet you

See your head
In the fading light
And through the dark
Your eyes shine bright

And burn like fire
Burn like fire in Cairo
Burn like fire
Burn like fire in Cairo

Shifting crimson veil
Silken hips slide
Under my hand
Swollen lips whisper my name
And I yearn
You take me in your arms
And start to burn

F.I.R.E.I.N.C.A.I.R.O
Then the heat disappears
And the mirage
Fades away...

F.I.R.E.I.N.C.A.I.R.O

Burn like a fire in Cairo
Burn like a fire
Blaze like a fire in Cairo
Blaze like a fire
Flare with a wonderful light
Like a fire in Cairo
Burn like fire
Burn like
Fire in Cairo

-the Cure

I LOVE THAT SONG

2003-11-04T18:18:00.000-05:00

And the moment will come when composure returns
Put a face on the world, turn your back to the wall
And you walk twenty yards with your head in the air
Down the Liberty Hill, where the fashion brigade
Look with curious eyes on your raggedy way
And for once in your life you have nothing to say
And could this be the time when somebody will come
To say, "Look at yourself, you're not much use to anyone"

Take a walk in the park, take a valium pill
Read the letter you got from the memory girl
But it takes more than this to make sense of the day
Yeah it takes more than milk to get rid of the taste
And you trusted to this, and you trusted to that
And when you saw it all come, it was waving the flag
Of the United States of Calamity, hey!
After all that you've done boy, Im sure you're going to pay

In the morning you come to the ladies salon
To get all fitted out for The Paperback Throne
But the people are living far away from the place
Where you wanted to help, it's a bit of a waste
And the puzzle will last till somebody will say
"There's a lot to be done while your head is still young"
If you put down your pen, leave your worries behind
Then the moment will come, and the memory will shine

Now the trouble is over, everybody got paid
Everybody is happy, they are glad that they came
Then you go to the place where you've finally found
You can look at yourself sleep the clock around

-Belle and Sebastian

oooh i really like this song i want this cd, its on the boy with the arab strap

2003-11-04T17:01:00.000-05:00

THINGS I NEED TO DO AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE

-shave my head completely bald
-live for a while with no electricity
-have a one night stand
-go skinnydipping
-get in a real fight
-do every drug there is
-pretty much experience any different state there is
-go backpacking through an entire mountain range, like the himalayas
-go skydiving/bungee jumping/deepsea scubadiving
-call in a bomb threat (im thinking this has gotta happen this year at roosevelt)
-as an amendment to the electricity thing- just live completely off the land for like a year, growing/raising my own food with no grocery stores or anything
-succeed in aiding some kind of progress in environmental/animal rights legislation
-maybe sail around the world or something

im sure theres more, i will keep this one updated

2003-11-04T16:51:00.000-05:00

disclaimer: i just have nothing else to do... borrowed/stolen from sarah's journal
(i'm just doing it for yesterday since i just woke up today)

5 bands/artists ive listened to today:
-the cure
-op ivy
-ennio morricone (hehe)
-modest mouse
-archers of loaf

4 things today that made me happy:
-celebrating a beautiful day by leaving school to chill with 2 excellent people and get smacked
-finding out i got a 92 in physics
-finding out i definitely got a 4 on both ap tests
-i stayed up all night without tweaking (i feel so accomplished)

3 random thoughts:
-nobody needs to have a baby, you freaks.
-greg needs a maze!!
-i really wanna do acid

2 things on my list of things to do in life: (oh man, just 2?!)
-shave my head completely bald
-i cant decide you will have to refer down to a more complete list which will be posted, i need to start an actual written list anyway

1 reason i'm still living:
-you

2003-11-03T00:47:00.000-05:00

ok Daphne says that song is by Ennio Morricone, and is on the soundtrack to a spaghetti western movie (?)

2003-11-02T22:36:00.000-05:00

http://www.nrablacklist.com/

anybody know what the song this site is playing is called? i love it and have no idea where/when i know it from

Keep your hand on your gun
Don't you trust anyone.
There's just one kind of man that you can trust
That's a dead man
Or a gringo like me.
Be the first one to fire
Every man is a liar
There's just one kind of man that who tells the truth
That's a dead man
Or a gringo like me.
Don't be a fool for a smile or a kiss
Or your bullet might miss
Keep your eye on your goal
There's just one rule that can save you your life
Keep your hand on your knife
and the devil in your soul.
Keep your hand on your hand on your gun
Don't you trust anyone.
There's just one kind of man that you can trust
That's a dead man
Or a gringo like me.
Keep your hand on your hand on your gun
Don't you trust anyone.
There's just one kind of man that you can trust
That's a dead man
Or a gringo like me.
Or a gringo like me
or a gringo like me
like me

2003-10-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

so something sorta weird happened today at school, i was getting together all my college stuff to be mailed with my guidance counselor, mr heintzelman (nicest man ever), and you have to send transcripts to the colleges so he got mine out, and out of curiosity i looked at them, and lo and behold! it said i got 4s on both the ap test i took. and i was like wait i definitely got a 3 on the chem (i saw the thing they mailed us, it was a 3) and he was like no, this is the official score report sent to us blah blah.. and really it was weird that mr hendley made that mistake, cuz hes so careful.. so maybe just maybe i really did get a 4? im trying to find out, its really aggravating! cuz it seems equally likely that theyd mess up sending either, so i have no way of knowing, and i dont think you can view ap scores on collegeboard or anything.. so.. who knows. but alright now for some wrok.. and off to hell i go..

2003-10-29T04:46:00.000-05:00

lines ive had stuck in my head tonight:

Struck by being ashamed of your old space
Just wanting that mean heat

So you think you've figured out everything
But we know that our minds are just made out of strings
To be pulled, strings to be pulled
All this talkin' all the time and the air fills up, up, up
Until there's nothing left to breathe
Up until there's nothin' left to speak.
Up until the better parts of space

You said that I was an asshole and I paid the price

go modest mouse, i love you. those quotes dont work so well one after another but whatever.. ok now i REALLY need to start some of that homework, tomorrow is the last day i'll be in class for the quarter, and it pretty much determines whether i get all As (other than calc which is done), or an E (rp), a D (art), 2 Cs (lit and physics), and 2 Bs (env and psych). oh man i am dumb as shit go go go

2003-10-29T03:27:00.000-05:00

And in this life like weeds, you're just a rock to me
I could have told you all that I love you
And in the places you go, you'll see the place where you're from
I could have told you all that I love you
And in the faces you meet, you'll see the place where you'll die
I could have told you all that I love you
And on the day that you die, you'll see the people you'd met
I could have told you all that I love you
And in the faces you see, you'll see just who you've been
I wish I could have told you all:
In this life like weeds, eyes need us to see
Hearts need us to bleed, in this life like weeds
You're a rock to me
I know where you're from, but where do you belong?
In this life like weeds, you're the dirt I'll breath
In this life like weeds, you're a rock to me
All this talkin' all the time and the air fills up, up, up
Until there's nothin' left to breathe
And you think you feel most everything
And we know that our hearts are just made out of strings
To be pulled, strings to be pulled
So you think you've figured out everything
But we know that our minds are just made out of strings
To be pulled, strings to be pulled
All this talkin' all the time and the air fills up, up, up
Until there's nothing left to breathe
Up until there's nothin' left to speak.
Up until the better parts of space
-Modest Mouse

wow i cant believe ive never put those up before, that is a great song.. its the kind of song where im reading through it cuz there are parts i want to highlight because they sound so good.. but i realized most of the song would end up highlighted so.. yeah. just give the whole thing a big fat gold star

2003-10-28T23:13:00.000-05:00

Bloodflowers - You're distraught at the world
around you. Perhaps something has happened to
make you this way, but don't adopt bitterness.
It happens to us all. Cheer up.

Which Song By The Cure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i tried to get this song cuz i like the picture

2003-10-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

so how much of that did i get done do you ask? well i finished the calc asst, but it didnt end up counting for anything anyway, but it doesnt matter cuz I GOT A B IN CALC! OH MY GOODNESS! yaayy. then i did the env ws and field trip permission slip, all those 3 psych essayish things, but i still have one more on commercials to do. i hafta do env chpt 6,7, and 9 by wed, do that colored pencil sketch for art tonight, do chpt one for rp, get stuff into guidance and cry and beg for them to do it so soon ahead of time, so i can, you know, apply to college and stuff. and all that other crap. plus i got karate in 3 hours. man i am beat.. maybe i could squeeze in a nap?? 3 days til greg! 4 til my birthday!

2003-10-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

TO DO LIST:
(tonight)
-calc 4.2/4.3
-env chpt 6,7, finish ws, field trip permission slip
-psych journal, essay, and seminar
-colored pencil sketch for art
-RP chpt one (due tomorrow, final deadline wed, i love you dr martin)
-stuff to get into guidance for college apps!
(by saturday)
-UMCP app (no essay til later!)
-Tulane app (essay)
-Chicago app (essays)
-Berkeley app (essays)
(ASAP)
-Hendley thank you for recommendation
-Goldberg
-Deery
-Twu
-Greenbaum
(why did i ask all these people you ask? i do not know. i guess i wanted a bunch to choose from.. hendley's sucks and has 3 mistakes, goldbergs is good, deerys is good, twus mentions how well i recovered from "excessive ansences for special reasons" so that ones out, greenbaums sucks but he says i can ask him to change or add anything i want.. hmmm)
-return my gramma's letter
and yet i am sitting here writing in my blogger. genius, erin, genius.

2003-10-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

some upcoming shows:

Nov. 1- Bouncing Souls, Strike Anywhere, Tsunami Bomb
Nation- 6:00 pm- $13

Nov. 14- Rancid, the Slackers, Tiger Army, Roger Merritt & the Disasters
Nation- 6:00 pm- $16.50

Nov. 15- Atmosphere, Mr. Dibbs, Micranots, Brother Ali, DeejayBird, Oddjobs
Black Cat- 9:30 pm- $15 adv/$17day

Nov. 26- Less Than Jake, Rufio, Fallout Boy
Nation- 6:00 pm- $15

anyone interested? let me know

2003-10-23T18:19:00.000-04:00

OH MY GOODNESS!
so, i had the worst day ever, and am going to fail calc (yes, really.) and was convinced my dad was going to disown me and such. but then i checked collegeboard and they posted my SAT scores, and i got a 1500!!!! im so glad! that really helps everything else. and you know what?? the funny thing is that the breakdown is really weird- i got a 710 on the math and a 790 on the verbal! what the hell?? it really pisses me off! i definitely know how to do everything on there, and finish really quick and always think i did everything right, but my math score actually went fucking down! at least that means the combination of the better ones is 1510. this keeps happening though, i hate english and think im bad at it, but i keep doing better on it than on other stuff- this time, and when i took sat 2s i got 770 on writing 730 chem 710 math2, and when i took ap tests i got a 4 on the lang (despite not writing one of the essays) and a fucking 3 on the chem. i dont get it, i dont like english! im bad at it! i wanna be good at science or seomthing! well anyways whatever, at least my scores went up, that really cheered me up after that news about calc...

2003-10-23T00:06:00.000-04:00

Alright, so to finish that last entry, where was I... alright so i walked into school sorta hoping I wouldn't be noticable or have breath obviously smelling like alcohol, and I walk by this clump of administrators, who usually I'm sure would not stop me, but i guess having a big red hoodie on looks bad or something? i dont even know, but they all stopped me and were like where are you going? and i was like im late im going to class now, and they kinda made fun of me the way administrators do, ugh i wanted to scream at them i was so mad i mean god! they would NEVER consider being so rude to an adult, but it doesnt even fucking occur to them not to! they dont even realize that a kid could possibly be a reasonable and mature human being deserving their respect as much as anyone else, certainly more than they fucking deserve mine. anyway so when they let me go they were like you better go to attendance, so i headed there but turned off cuz i didnt actually want to sign in, so i headed to my 3rd period, which was supposed to start in like 5 or 10 mins, and on the way some other administrator yelled at me about where i was headed, and then i just sat in the stairwell outside froggies room waiting for the bell to ring, and then a new administrator shows up (ms. hyde maybe? silver hair?) and shes like someone reported a girl in a red hoodie using a cell phone in the stairwell (id gotten it out to stop it vibrating, apparently this is very suspicious behavior..) and she was like youd better come with me to your administrator, blah blah blah, and then she took my good ID (the one with the picture i drew over me) and tried to make me get another despite that i have like 4, cuz that has happened to me a bunch.. so of course in the process of walking me to sign in (argh) we passed ALL the other administrators whod talked to me who all had to put in their two cents on my future FUCK YOU ALL.. and then in the attendance office the lady was like youre unexcused late? youre missing the test! and im like what test? and she like glares at me and says you didnt know theres a test?? and like tisk tisks, and then it turns out it was the fucking psats what a bitch, im a senior, why do you have to assume the worst in everyone. ugh. so we go down to the auditorium, because apparently all seniors have been in a cap n gown assembly all day (why did i even attempt to go to class?? i knew wed be buying those but i didnt realize there was an assembly), and i show up just in time to see doug get kicked out and suspended.. go doug! enjoy your vacation you lucky bastard :] and then hyde told me to sit in the back corner and i better stay there and wait for my administrator, and then she left, and then people yelled at me for sitting there during the picture and told me i had to move, jesus, and when taylor stopped talking i was told to go to him and he was like whatd you do? and i said i was late and didnt go to the attendance office, and he said just go sit down well deal with you later, so i did, and the assmebly was dumb, and i bought the thing and dipped with sarah before it was over told them i had early dismissal.. haha what a genius i am. and me and sarah went back to her house and got drunk, which was a lot of fun :] and then came back after school for the amnesty meeting (i was maybe still a little tipsy, not to a point where it was dangerous to drive or anything i know thats dumb, but still a little silly..) and we saw bruno there, which was cool, but when we went into the room ms hoffman said there was some alarm for everyone to leave the building (which reminds me- something that goes on my list of things to do at least once in life is call in a bomb threat, gotta do that before school ends :]) so the room was empty, and after waiting 10mins we went outside and lo and behold there was amnesty- charity, anna, and julia ebell- they said they decided to stay outside cuz its nicer.. and apparently they had voted on positions wihtout me! ok i was really really mad about this, because since last year, wed been saying charity would be president i would be v.p., and me and charity had been talking about amnesty all year in class referring to me that way, and she never even told me we were going to vote (most groups do it the previous year, so i figured wed already covered it), and anna and julia hadnt even showed up the week before! anyway so i was informed julia was vp, and i like exploded (possibly because i still had a little alcohol in me) and we had a big argument, which is really stupid and embarassing because jesus christ we're amnesty. its not even that i care, it should just be about how much we an get done, but its jsut that i had already put it down for like college applications and teach recommendations and stuff.. so they were like well im sure no one would deny that you were if anyone was to check, so you guys can be co-vp, which seems really stupid im kind of embarassed, really it shouldnt be a big thing, but at least we got a fair amount decided at the meeting, and we're gonna go to a protest this saturday which is cool. anyway so i got no work done yesterday and stayed home once again today and slept til 6.. wow i am a slacker. and 3 hours ago i tweaked so id do work and i still havent started, instead i have been rambling on this blogger and downloaded music (yay phish! i need farmhouse or junta) and telling people to come to my bday party, i cant wait for that! i cant really tell about how many people are gonna show up, cuz theres sats the next day and its on halloween so people have other plans, but meh im sure itll be fun :] i decided i dont wanna do any drugs that are gonna make people feel awkward or anything, cuz i just wanna chill, so im just gonna get a bunch of bud and beer (mm smirnoff ice) and maybe a little liquor. althoouugh im pretty sure i can get acid again, im so excited! that would be awesome on halloween, but oh well maybe ill do it the next day, hehe. kenny said he can get it from some 30 yr old woman at his work who got her kid taken away- a sad story but she must have good drugs, eh? well ok wow i need to stop rambling and do some fucking work. peace!

Welcome this is a farmhouse.
We have cluster flies alas,
and this time of year is bad.
We are so very sorry
there is little we can do but swat them.

She didn't beg on enough,
she didn't stay when things got tough.
I told a lie and she got mad,
she wasn't there when things got bad.

I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.
I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.
alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

Woke this morning to the stinging lash
every man rise from the ash
each betrayal begins with trust
every man returns to dust.

I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.
I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.

I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.
I never ever saw the northern lights,
I never really heard of cluster flies,
I never ever saw the stars so bright.
In the farmhouse things will be alright.
alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.

welcome this is a farmhouse.
welcome this is a farmhouse.

-Phish

2003-10-22T22:22:00.000-04:00

If you're not gonna dance
Get your ass off the floor
People like you are what the balcony's made for
You better learn to shake that ass boy
You better learn to shake that ass
While it's still young
If you're not gonna dance
Get your ass off the floor
People like you are what the balcony's made for
If you're not gonna dance
What the fuck did you come for?
-Murder City Devils

2003-10-22T05:17:00.000-04:00

sooo lets see. last night i end up sneaking out (by that i mean walking by my dad in the dining room at midnight with my backpack on out the door and not coming back, and telling him the next day i slept over at juliet's house for help with homework) and went over to leibermans house and drank with him and russell. it was a lot of fun!! smirnoff ice is sooo goooddd. i traded ther est of my shitty ass wolfschmidt to leib for some beers. so anyway, that was cool, woke up in the morning and stumbled and fell over, plus had a bit of a headache, so then i show up for school on time for 3rd period, but turns out we had the cap n gown assembly today... and i am way too exhausted to finish this entry, maybe another time, gnight!

2003-10-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

have i ever mentioned that greg's dad = james worthy?

2003-10-20T17:27:00.000-04:00

today is the first time all year i have been absent from a whole day of school... although i guess ive done enough one or two class days that it shouldnt be such a big deal, but still. visiting greg was so fun! im so happy i got to :] unfortunately i had a ton of homework, which i didnt end up finishing. i still need to write chapter one for rp (yikes!) do the second half of chpt 5 and all of chpt 6 for env, do another art sketch, write an essay for lit, do a psych seminar, and do 2 calc assts. baahhh. and i have martial arts in an hour and a half... oh well. doop dee doop... Punk rock girl Give me a chance Punk rock girl Let's go slam dance We'll dress like Minnie Pearl Just you and me punk rock girl.. :]

2003-10-18T17:55:00.000-04:00

sooo im sittin here in gregory's dorm. pretty exciting!! he has one of thesefancy new-fangled computers thats hard to type on. BIATCH. yaayy im having fun greg rocks even though im starting to agree pittsburgh is apretty crappy city. sooo nback to loungin and eatin twizzlers and hopefully playing some video games watchin some movies and doing some drugs. woop woop! hope all you losers are having fun not being here. :] peace

2003-10-12T21:39:00.000-04:00

im really down tonight for some reason... i feel like everything good is falling apart.. no one likes me anymore. bah.. im tired.. gnight.

2003-10-10T04:14:00.000-04:00

Ooh shit (ooh hey ooh)
Guess what?
I ain't coming in yet
I'll come in in a minute
Ayo this is my love song
It goes like this

Back when Mark Wahlberg was Marky Mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix hen' with Bacardi Dark
And when it kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the sixth gin you gon' probably crawl
And you'll be sick then and you'll probably barf
And my prediction is you gon' probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinnin'
You're beginning to think women are swimmin in pink linen
Again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of Guinness is finished
You are now allowed to officially slap bitches
You have the right to remain violent and start wildin'
Start a fight with the same guy that was smart eyein' you
Get in the car and start it and start drivin
Over the island and cause a 42 car pile up

Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot
Looking for life on this planet sir, no sign of it
All i could see is a bunch of smoke flyin
And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it
Let me out of this place I'm outta place
I'm in in outter space, I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so

Cause every time I go to try to leave (Whoa)
Somethin' keeps pullin on my sleeve (Whoa)
I dont wanna but I gotta stay (Whoa)
These drugs really gotta hold on me (Whoa)
Cause everytime I try ta tell 'em no (No)
They won't let me ever let 'em go (Go)
I'm a sucker all I gotta say (Whoa)
Is drug's really gotta hold on me?

In third grade all I used to do
Was sniff glue through a tube and play rubix cube
Seventeen years later I'm as rude as you
Schemein on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I got no game and every face looks the same
They got no name so i don't need game to play
I just say whatever I want, to whoever I want
Whenever i want, wherever I want, however I want
However I do show some respect to few
This ecstacy has got me standin next to you
Gettin sentimental as fuck, spillin' guts to you
We just met but I think I'm in love with you
But you're on it too so you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "Yo what the fuck we do?"
I gotta go bitch, you know I got stuff to do
Cause if I get caught cheatin then I'm stuck with you
But in the long run these drugs are probably gonna catch up sooner or later
But fuck it I'm on one so let's enjoy
Let the X destroy your spinal chord,
So it's not a straight line no more
So we walk around lookin' like some windup dolls
Shit stickin' out of our backs like a dinosaur
Shit six hits won't even get me high no more
So bye for now I'm gonna try to find some more

Cause every time I go to try to leave (Whoa)
Somethin' keeps pullin on my sleeve (Whoa)
I dont wanna but I gotta stay (Whoa)
These drugs really gotta hold on me (Whoa)
Cause everytime I try ta tell 'em no (No)
They won't let me ever let 'em go (Go)
I'm a sucker all I gotta say (Whoa)
Is drug's really gotta hold on me?

That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all
Wallow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow your probably gonna wanna do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend, screw it
And whats a little bit of alcohol poisoning?
And whats a little fight?
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life live it however you wanna
Marajuana is everywhere, where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're goin'
Cause none of this shit's gonna mean shit where we're goin
They tell you to stop but you just sit there ignorin'
Even though you wake up feelin' like shit every morning
But your young you got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw, parties to crash, sucks to be you
If I could take it all back now I wouldn't
I would've did more shit that people said that I shouldnt
But I'm all grown up now and upgraded
And graduated to better drugs and updated
But I still gotta a lot of growin' up to do
I still gotta whole lot of throwin' up to spew
But when it's all said and done before I know it
I'll be forty with a forty on the porch tellin stories
With a bottle of Jack, two grandkids on my lap
Babysitting for Hailey, while Hailey's out gettin shmashed

Cause every time I go to try to leave (Whoa)
Somethin' keeps pullin on my sleeve (Whoa)
I dont wanna but I gotta stay (Whoa)
These drugs really gotta hold on me (Whoa)
Cause everytime I try ta tell 'em no (No)
They won't let me ever let 'em go (Go)
I'm a sucker all I gotta say (Whoa)
Is drug's really gotta hold on me?

Cause every time I go to try to leave (Whoa)
Somethin' keeps pullin on my sleeve (Whoa)
I dont wanna but I gotta stay (Whoa)
These drugs really gotta hold on me (Whoa)
Cause everytime I try ta tell 'em no (No)
They won't let me ever let 'em go (Go)
I'm a sucker all I gotta say (Whoa)
Is drug's really gotta hold on me?

Drugs really got a hold on me
Really got a hold on me
Cause drugs really got a hold on me
They really got a hold on me

-Eminem (drug ballad)

2003-10-09T23:33:00.000-04:00

yes lauren, i am gonna tug on your ovaries like milking a cow

2003-10-08T22:16:00.000-04:00

so, apparently my blogger = fear and loathing in las vegas
woop woop! (and yes i just have to follow that with a PULL OVA THAT ASS TOO PHAT)

it always surprises me when people say they read it. that is just crazy. you kids should leave comments if you want to (just click on fuck you) so i'll know who's been here.. im pretty sure it's working again

2003-10-07T18:19:00.000-04:00

so theres definitely a black bruise the size of my palm on my thigh from my dad. thanks a lot, dad.

2003-10-07T00:00:00.000-04:00

so this weekend has been crazy, lets see.. greg got here thursday (yay!) then friday i went to school, or at least, like 3 classes i think. the rest of the time i was shopping for e pills, and im proud to say that i acquired some when other people had not been able to (maybe hadnt just tried that hard, but still) so then me sarah greg jason and thomas went to the flaming lips/ string cheese incident show which was AWESOME!! unfortunately we got there a few songs late, but me n sarah went downt to the floor for the lips, and it was great- like a big birthday party! there were tons of huge balloons being bounced around the crowd, and confetti and glitter being tossed with a strobe light shined on them, and all sorts of stuff, and then they started talking about singing happy birthday to people whose birthdays were on halloween, and i got super excited cuz i thought theyd sing to me, but then they sang to the people whose birthdays it was that night, but thats cool, and man they were jsut good! so at taht point i hadnt started rolling yet, and we wanted to smoke a blunt, so we went on this balcony thing like 10 ft from the big glass walls that tons of people were aroudn including cops, and greg decided it was hot so seperated for awhile while we smoked. and then stuff got really really weird- some combination of being really smacked when i hadnt been in a while and those crazy pills fucked me up good and all my senses were thrown entirely out of wack. everything was weird and pulsing and sound was jsut completely different i couldnt process any sounds to go with what they were, it was actually kinda cool, except then i started feeling dizzy and the next thing you know i passed out in the big hallway of the patriot center in front of a billion people, and i dont know how i didnt get caught but some guy helped sarah get me to where it was dark at the seats, and i just chilled there pretty much the entire show (which was like 3 hours or soemthing with a half hour intermission!) once i was sitting down everything was cool again and i was rolling nicely and everything was great. string chees incident is a really good band too, theyre like a hippie jam band grateful deadish and stuff. alright so then on saturday me and greg and sarah and annie went to this really fucking cool corn maze (russ and leib were gonna come but ended up having to be home too early). so this corn maze was cool as shit! its 3 miles long, we were in there like an hour and a half, and it was so hard!! even after that amount of time we hadnt finished it, we got to a sign saying still want a challenge? go left, but we didnt we jsut went right and left immediately cuz we were cold and stuff, but i am definitely trying to go back again, plus they had this cool pumpkin gun thing that you shoot at this target really far away, so thats pretty neat. i drove between like 100 and 110 pretty much the whole way there and back, which was fun, im so proud of my crappy little celica, its my baby. did i mention how only one light goes up and down on its own now? the other has to be worked manually. anyway so on the way back when i was stopping in this town to get gas, i got a fucking speeding ticket for going 44 in a 25, which really pisses me off, cuz its not like it was even dangerous at all, grr. im lucky he didnt charge me for being out past curfew though, or search the car, iwas surprised he didnt. but still, the fucknig tidket is for $75!! it makes me so mad. plus my 18 months of provisional license starts over, and the worst thing is that i think this means weve exceeded the number of tickets or whatever within 2 years to keep our cars on the same insurance plan, so it will go up. fuck fuck fuck. so that was bad, and i think it was the fact that i was so bummed about that that i kept having these nightmares as i was going to sleep that i was back in that weird throbbing distorted state i was in as i was passing out friday, and having trouble waking up from them. anyway, then on sunday i was late getting greg to his bus (im so sorry!!) and it turned out to switch his ticket we needed the receipt, which he had just thrown out at shoppers, so we went back and the trash can was gone, so i got the guy to take me to where hed dumped it in the dumster in the back and dug through diapers and mayonnaise and gross stuff, but found it, so greg did get to switch his ticket for free but had to go on a 7 1/2 hour bus instead of 5 hour, so i feel bad. anyway after he left, i went to the 50th birthday party of pam, who was my babysitter from whne i was 1 to like 13. i helped make this banner that said 'pam is 50' because pam made one for my mom when she was, but i was in a rush so i jsut used black spraypaint on a ripped white pillowcase, and someone said it looks like it says "pam is 50- and also, destroy the government!" hehehe, i thought that was cool. and i got to see tara and rory play together for the party, and talk to pam and chris and gareth, and say goodbye to old alex, their dog. apparently theyre putting him to sleep this week, he can barely walk or see anymore, hes such a great dog theyve had him for as long as i can remmebr (since i was 2 i think), i remmeber trying to ride him when i was little but hed jsut sit down, good ol' Al. i think he remmebered me alittle too :] and then sunday night i chilled with sarah, zach, kevin, rocky, and some guy whose name i dont rmemeber, and we smoked some blunts by greenbelt lake, whihc was funny cuz zach and kevin were all damn that blunt is thick! etc and rocky was like yeah thats a bowie blunt, and i was just thinking haha that thing looks kinda small to me. and then i drove kevin home and we all went to hillevis house but when we got there she said we couldnt come voer after all, and then me and sarah and zach just slept at my house, but first we went up on teh roof of the school in my neighborhood before realizing we didnt have a lighter and climbing back down and walking to 7-11. and when we got there the guy accused us of stealing water we had already had which was annoying, but at least he didnt card us for the lighter. zach was really nice he offered to buy me and sarah whatever we wanted to eat or whatever, and paid for the lighter and everything. and then we smoked the monster behind safeway on those crates people are always doing drugs on, and it was great cuz zach had only smoked a bong once, and obviously never one like the monster, he took one hit (granted it was a huge hit) and was gone for over an hour he was just giggling and stuff. me n sarah ffinished the pack and then we just went back to my house n slept. and today i had martial arts- i started the monday clas which is hiep-tinh-mon arts which teaches like internal force and stuff,and techniques less based on strength so therefore good for small people like me. and i finally took the test for my yellow belt, which i passed (yay!), and signed up for 6 months of two classes a week. officially one class (2 hours) a week is $420 for six months, so 2 should be double, but grandmaster said i should just pay 200 if i can and dont have to immediately.. so i went home and told my parents this (they ahd already said they didnt have enough money to pay for it themselves and were taking it out of my savings account for college, which consists of $400 i earned at subway, money from gaga, etc), and my dad like blew up about it. he jsut all of a sudden got really pissed and like picked me up and squeezed my arms as hard as he could and shook me up and bruised me and threw me.. and then i went in my room and he like chased me, he was like crouhcing at my door and ran in after me and was screaming in my face about what a bitch i was, and kept slamming the door so it would open completely again and came back in two more times to do the same thing.. it was so scary i havent seen him like that sinec i was a little kid... anyway so that was my weekend. pretty crazy. and now time to start homeowrk. goodnight

2003-09-27T23:27:00.000-04:00

monster5151 (11:24:49 PM): ya know, i dont actually like the slice thaatt much.. its kind of silly
punker134 (11:25:02 PM): think of a better one
monster5151 (11:25:10 PM): umm.. erin?
punker134 (11:25:25 PM): man, that ain't ghetto
monster5151 (11:25:49 PM): ghetto erin?
punker134 (11:25:59 PM): hahaha

2003-09-22T20:47:00.000-04:00

greg visited this weekend! yaayy i had so much fun i missed him so much. we had school off thurs, fri, and mon because of hurricane isabel (three cheers!!) and everything was great. me n greg rolled and went out during the hurricane and walked around and smoked and stuff. we decided it was a good idea to climb up a fallen tree and didnt realize that it was pulling down a wire that was about to snap.. woops! so we almost got electrocuted. aand friday night we chilled at andrews and watched battle royale and stuff, and saturday sunflowers with leib and russell, and jason for a little while. DONT DRIVE ON SUNFLOWERS. BAD FUCKING IDEA. aand thats about it. weekend after the coming one is the flaming lips show (thats gonna be so fun!), and sarah dawg just found out that the weekend after that her paretns are goin out of town, so we get another fabulous sarah party :] and the weekend after that i am visiting greg to see catch 22 in pitt and see what its like there and stuff. and 2 weeks after that is my birthday!! what a great schedule, im really excited! well im off to start my big pile of homework ill never finish, peace.

2003-09-22T20:39:00.000-04:00

No panhandling they say it isnt a job
Oh but i disagree ya ignorant slob
But there may come a day, when yer found down & out
And the hateful replies will fill ya with doubt
Ya might be a skinhead ya might be a punk
Just give us a quarter so we can get drunk
Thank you for shopping and please come again

You suffer to know, try even harder to see
Making sense of yer life in a fucked reality
From decatur st. up to avenue A
From El Guadelupe in texas to the san francisco bay
Ya turned a spangin' job into a life long career
For a tin A' tabacco and a fourty of beer
Now yer drinkin & yer thinkin is my bad luck runnin' out?

Yer stopped by the cops & ya hope & ya wish
& yer askin real nice for them to letcha go
So they ask if they were shot in the street
Would ya laugh in their face and ya can't say no

After all of the times that ya barely scraped by
With the lice in yer hair and the gleam in yer eye
Now yer drinkin' and yer thinkin is my bad luck runnin' out?

With the cobra we drank and the shit we were talkin'
In the tenderloin gutter we were crack city rockin'
Yeah when we were alive we were wicked and young
With the good times we had and the songs we sung
Now it's sad that you died and i wish you would stay
But i sold all my stamps at the end of the day
And now i'm drinkin' and i'm thinkin' is my bad luck runnin' out?

Popeye:
(yeah bad luck man, plenty of that to go around
My good friend gone was always there to share it with me)

After all of the times that ya barely scraped by
With the lice in yer hair and the gleam in yer eye
Now yer drinkin' and yer thinkin is my bad luck runnin' out?

I got assualted by officer friendly
On the 4th of july stick a needle in my eye
I said "i didn't do nothin'" & "whats this all about?"
He said "resisting arrest" as his pulled his baton out
Spitting bile and blood as they left me for dead
My thoughts leaked out through a fissure in my head
And the last one left is: is my bad luck running out?

-Leftover Crack (crack city rockers)

2003-09-14T22:39:00.000-04:00

I couldn't help but think back to the advice
That I got from my dad a few times
He said"... time goes by so fast in a blink of an eye
So never close your eyes... "
"... I always wanted something more than 50 hours every week
And a paid vacation on the jersey shoreline"
And he said
So when ambition turns into competition
I'll never be the better man
I can't help but think back to the time
He said "life goes right by"
And told me never think twice
"you can't second guess how to live your life"
All these years have been way too short
To be spent on some factory floor like me
I never went back again
I never looked back again
And he said
So when ambition turns into competition
I'll never be the better man
It's the last hour of the last day
Don't fall so far behind now
You'll be another nameless face
He said
-Less Than Jake (the last hour of the last day of work)

2003-09-12T04:12:00.000-04:00

A blackened wick is what remains
The flame was blown out just recently
Although the candle hadn't burned down to the stick
It won't be lit again, the day won't be so bright
We don't know what she may have been
All we know is what she left behind
An apartment cluttered with children's toys,
Photos of good times
In the bedroom, there's sheets on the windows
There's a four poster bed for a reason
There's a box on the floor full of secrets
It won't be opened
Here older boys and girls would play
All inhibitions were left behind
As the door would close, her face began to shine
This was her finest hour, this was her finest time
Now, she's gone, and it's not gonna be alright, not for me
She's gone, but not forgotten, she's still here
In all those years she touched so many lives
Who's gonna watch the little girl she left behind?
Carol Anne stands alone in the school yard
All the other children have gone
After waiting for hours,
She can't understand why her mother left her sad
In the darkness she sees definition
In the silence, she hears someone calling
After nightmares, she lies in bed screaming
But there's no reaction
There's no one listening, there's no one
Now, she's gone, and it's never gonna be alright, not for me,
She's gone
-NOFX

2003-09-09T19:56:00.000-04:00

Lying in my plastic bed,
thinking how things weren't so cool to me.
My baby likes to shoot pool,
I like lying naked in my bedroom, tying off that dinosaur tonight,
it used to be so cool.
Now I've got that needle, I can shake, but I can't bleed.
Take it away, but I want more and more.
One day I'm gonna lose the war.
-Sublime (pool shark)

2003-09-05T01:27:00.000-04:00

well i just wrote this huge fuckin entry for like an hour, and what does blogger do but erase it, thats so frustrating.. but what can i do? not a thing.. hm well i guess ill try to recap a little.. basically all thats goin on with me these days is school, so here goes that..
1- RP- Dr Martin- cool teacher, im really late every day, we do nothing, finally after 2 weeks of pestering he basically came up with a project for me, and i went to Hendley to sort of firm it up.. gonna test the effects of storms on stream properties.. it has no practical application whatsoever, but whateva! oh yeah and emma and steve are in there with me
2- AP Environmental Ecology- Ms Donnoghue (sp?)- good class, nice teacher, Annie n Nate in there
3- Art 3- Ms Henderson/ Froggy- she's cool, but art is hard for me even though its fun.. im pretty outstaged by sarah, laura, annie powell, and erin raduazzo (sp?)
4- AP Lit- Ms Vincent again- pretty much the same as last year, so far im not too behind! sarah n annie in there
5- AP Psychology- Mr Lindo- nobody but lauren azebu, but shes nice so thats cool, the class is really easy/ sort of boring, and Lindo i think is dumber than i thought at first, but oh well
6- lunch- SUCKS- lauren is cool, and kenny, other than that like 50 loud obnoxious screaming girls, i pretty much leave every day.
7- AP Physics C- Dr Goldberg- really cool teacher, interesting, good class
8- AP Calc BC- Mr Samordic (and i just have to point out.. some-more-dick?! hahaha)- really goofy teacher, likes to talk about getting drunk and streaking back in the day and stuff, and i have it with Juilet and Charity, so its fun. its also the only class im behind in at all as far as i know, i missed like every homework asst so far, but oh well whatever its math ill be straight.

and i think that was the gist of what i had to say.. lots of school, i dont really do anything else. i miss greg of course but i talk to him most days and hes already visited once, so everything there is excellent. let me take a moment to say what a great guy he is. i dont even know where to start.. its wonderful to know someone who is genuinely a good person, nice and caring and recognizes what is right and wrong, doesnt just show those thigns to whatever extent makes you look good. i could say more but i think ill leave it there. and maybe add an i love you greg. well alright, gnight one and all, lets hope it works this time!
(it didnt again! good thing i copied first so i can paste now)

2003-08-21T23:38:00.000-04:00

god i miss greg so much already.. im so sad ive already cried about it more than once.. gaahh. i dont know what to do without him.. he's the only person in my entire life who i know will always understand exactly what i mean and how i feel about everything.. he thinks just like me, and i dont know what im gonna do without that around to support me. bah im stupid and i know i shouldnt depend on people but he is great, and i love him, and i just miss him.. even though i still talk to him.. i just want him around.. he makes me feel so good, and happy. but what can i do, its not like i want him to not be in college, im sure he'll have a lot of fun, he's already made friends and found good shows and stuff. i just wish i had other friends who actually cared about me.. there are people i hang out with but i dont think i mean anything to them.. im just another person. i couldnt even find anyone to hang out with me tonight.. ugh thats so sad. whatever this is a stupid whiny entry.. 2 more nights of summer to waste before school starts...

You told me that your 20 years have gone by much too fast
And you've been hoping this year will be better than the last
You said you've been waging a war against the loneliest of nights
With the strongest drinks and longest lines
It's not that big of a surprise
That you're feeling more dead than alive
You're feeling more dead than alive

So I'll let you know
If you need, somewhere to go
I'll be listening when you call
And I'll be there if you fall off
If you need someone to believe in you,
I'll let you know I will

You said the hole in your head has gotten bigger than the hole that's in your chest
And you're stuck between the past and the present tense
You said you've been waging a war against so many years of lies
With stronger drinks and stronger lines
It's not that big a surprise
That you're feeling more dead than alive
You're feeling more dead than alive

So I'll let you know
If you need, somewhere to go
I'll be listening when you call
And I'll be there if you fall off
If you need someone to believe in,
I'll let you know I will

So this pen is starting to become
A pipe bomb and these songs
Have turned to anthems again
To everything that's changed and to everything that's gone away
Here are my condolences tot he future I never met
It's gone and never coming back, it's not coming back
So don't hold on to your past, you gotta let it go

'Cause friends leave as time fades away
The people and the places along the way
Without a doubt
Screws fall in and screws they fall out

Tomorrow's gone up in smoke
And I wonder when I'm alone
Where'd my convictions go
So to everyone that's gone away
Or fades away or stays the same
Here are my apologies to the person that I used to be
Before I burned down every bridge and every inch
Of everything I used to know, I gotta let it go

Friends leave as time fades away
The people and the places along the way
So don't hold on to your past
No, it's never coming back, you gotta let it go

-Less Than Jake (the brightest bulb has burned out/ screws fall out)

2003-08-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

well since that last sad and pissed off entry, ive had a great time. me and greg got really close these last couple weeks he's been here, but now he is gone for college as of this morning :( i always thought we'd break up when he left because it seems like long-distance relationships are bound to make you resent each other and end badly.. but i dunno. i think me and greg can make it work, because we both really want to, and he's gonna catch trains back once a month maybe.. i really hope it does and he doesnt regret being.. tied down in any way.. because if he ends up resenting me and we stop even being friends i would be crushed. but its all gonna work out.. im gonna make it. other than that not much is going on- school starts monday (eek), and an hour early at that, but oh well. peace

2003-08-09T02:16:00.000-04:00

you know for a long time i didnt really like the modest mouse cd building nothing out of something, and listened to it less than the rest, but i have to say now it might be my favorite. i guess itd be competing with lonesome crowded west, the first being more chill and the latter more.. eclectic i guess. but i have to say tonight i am just loving interstate 8, broke, baby blue sedan, grey ice water, whenever you breathe out i breathe in (positive negative), and other people's lives. theyre all just. great.

2003-08-09T01:37:00.000-04:00

Spent 18 hours waiting stoned for space
I spent the same 18 hours in the same damn place
I'm on a road shaped like a figure 8
I'm going nowhere, but I'm guaranteed to be late
You go out like a riptide
You know that ball has no sides
You're an angel with an amber halo
Black hair and the devil's pitchfork
Wind-up anger with the endless view of
The ground's colorful patchwork
How have you been? [x2]
How have you? [x2]
I drove around for hours, I drove around for days
I drove around for months and years and never went no place
We're on a pass, we're on pass
I stopped for gas, but where could place be
To pay for gas to drive around
Around the Interstate 8
You go out like a riptide
You know that ball has no sides
You're an angel with an amber halo
Black hair and the devil's pitchfork
Wind-up anger with the endless view of
The ground's colorful patchwork
How have you been? [x2]
How have you? [x2]
-Modest Mouse

2003-08-08T19:05:00.000-04:00

so whats happened since last time i posted.. whatever a bunch of shit. im sick of summer. im sick of everything and everyone. im bored and pissed off and depressed and am just completely frustrated with my life and everything i do and have done. im an idiot. and i dont know why im writing in here. fuck.

2003-07-19T01:50:00.000-04:00

well since the last entry the big events have been getting drunk with sarah, andy floyd, and kenny (and ending up puking all over, etc), and sarah's big party last night- me, greg, sarah, andy, n kenny all rolled, though i didnt too hard, and it was fuckin insane. very fun though, and also andrew got drunk which was hilarious and fun, and tons of other people were there. it was a good time in general. but whats on my mind right now is just greg.. on sunday he's going away to freshman orientation for a few days, and im realizing how soon he's going to college- in like a month or something. i am going to be so sad and lonely when he goes :( ive always thought long-distance relationships were stupid because its inevitable that youll end up interested in other people and jsut end up resenting each other, so i want us to break up so we can stay in touch and be friends and hang out when he visits and stuff.. but its just gonna make me so sad.. argh.. so yeah.. thats about all i have to say.. i hope this month is long

2003-07-14T16:56:00.000-04:00

well this summer has been just crazy. i guess ill start at.. i dont know. sometime last week.. i think maybe on monday i hung out with andrew and jeff and james and we went to see raging bull at the afi (marj came there too), and it was a great movie. and then went back to my house and slept over and watched taxi driver and a woody allen movie, which were also good. on wednesday i had martial arts again, its pretty fun i like it. afterwards greg came over, and we both tweaked, and he rolled on 2 riddlers, and we got into an unlocked caterpillar (the construction equip. with a big claw) and hotboxed it. it was fun and i was thinking about rolling too but greg said the pills were goood but not great. then we spent like 6 hours or something making a mix tape out of his cds, most of the songs he picked and then i put in order. its a really great tape for my car so im glad. i also drew a big furry person/wolf thing. and we were up all night, and at like 2 pm i took him to his doctors appointment, and then chilled at my house again. so then it was thursday and we were both post-tweaked and on no sleep and we ended up in this ridiculous debate from about midnight til 2 am, looking back it was ridivulous at least, it was fun at the time. and at 2 am i took 1 1/2 riddlers and he took 2 1/2 and we went up to the school again and once the roll really hit me we smoked 5 bowls, and before too long both of us realized we were definately halucinating, and it was tons of fun. the pills were definately cut with acid, and i have to say i like candyflipping. the E kinda faded into the background but it made the trip really pleasant. haha i saw munchkins rowing a boat in a tree and all this crazy stuff. anyway at like 6 am we went back to my house and fell asleep finally. then on friday we planned to use gregs other 8 pills, which he had been planning on selling, but we decided to split em up 3 1/2 and 4 1/2. then leif and rosa were gonna join us, but only had 1 pill, and eventually it ended up me and greg having 2 1/2 and them each 2. that was really fun for awhile and we ended up at the beginning of the trail along the river, but after smoking and some time i suddenly hit that really confused point of tripping that happened when i did a bunch of just acid too, and i just went silent like i do sometimes. and they wanted to go backt o my house, so i led them the quickest way but it was a lot longer than i remembered and leif and rosa were pissed off, and we ended up going thru poison ivy, and i feel really bad about it. me and greg both got it but i hope they didnt. and then i had to wake up after jsut a few hours and drive both of them home which sucked a lot. and came backa dn slept all day with greg, and then me and him tried to go down to the violent femmes show outside in dc and meet sarah but it started pouring and. oh yeah i forgot the previous night greg had got terrible shakes that wouldnt stop for liek an hour, like mini seizures or something, it was creepy. so when it started pouring and was cold we were scared it would make them start again so went back to my house, and got 8 ramens for a dollar, and rented the old blues brothers, which was hilarious. and sarah, courtney, kenny, and marj ended up coming over. and somehow we had at soem point ended up with a gram of opium which id never done and wanted to. oh and also the night before i forgot that while we were still at the school but all 4 of us tripping, at like 3 am a car had driven up to the school and wed decided ti was a pig and run. but we were never really sure if it was or not. anyways so saturday night we decided that having gone to that school on drugs 3 nights in a row had hotted it up and wed better go to the other one. but while walked to it a pig passed us and we freaked out a little and split up, but it ended up leaving my neighborhood. but it went down 2 dead-end streets, so it couldve only gone in there if theyre now patroling my neighborhood, which sucks. anyways we ended up fine, and marj courtney and kenny got smacked, which was a funny process to watch, but great, and we ended up with enough weed for me and greg and sarah to smoke some too. then me greg and sarah smoked the opium, but greg dropped like half of it (no fault of his, he was still twitchy and off from 3 nights of amphetamines), so even though i ended up packing the last of it and stuff we didnt have all that much. oh yeah kenny took 2 hits of it too. it was pretty fun, i mean i hadnt had enough weed to really be smacked, and just a few hits of opium had me feeling really smacked, with everything really contrasted looking and funny. i liked it and would like to try more. haha kenny is a lunchbox!! hes so funny smacked. (at one point was like doing summersaults on the floor to sneak on people.. hahahaha) anyways good times. and ive jst been basically sitting around since then. alright, well that was a long entry! peace

2003-06-30T17:20:00.000-04:00

Where are all the stupid people from?
And how'd they get to be so dumb?
Bred on purple mountain range
Feed amber waves of grains
To lesser human beings, zero feelings

Blame it on
Human nature, mans destiny (mans destiny)
Blame it on the greediocracy (greediocracy)
Fear of God
The fear of change
The fear of truth

Add the Bill of Rights, subtract the wrongs
There's no answers
Memorize and sing star spangled songs
When the questions
Aren't ever asked
Is anybody learning from the past?
We're living in united stagnation

Father what have I done?
I took that 22
A gift to me from you
To bed with me each night
Kept it clean
Polished it well
Cherished every cartridge, every shell

Down, by the creek, under brush, under dirt
There's a carcass of my second kill
Down, by the park, under stone, under pine
There's a carcass of my brother William
Brother where, have you gone to?
I swear, I never thought I could
I see so many times
They told me to shoot straight
Don't pull the trigger, squeeze
That will insure a kill
A kill is what you want
A kill is why we breed

The Christians love their guns
The church and NRA
Pray for their salvations
Prey on the lower faiths

The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized

Jerry spent some time in Michigan
A twenty year vacation, after all he had a dime
A dime is worth a lot more in Detroit
A dime in California, a twenty dollar fine

Jerry only stayed a couple months
It's hard to enjoy yourself while bleeding out the ass
Asphyxiation is simple and fast
It beats seventeen fun years of being someones bitch

Don't think (Stay)
Drink your wine (Home)
Watch the fire burn (Be)
His problems not mine (Safe)
Just be that model citizen

I wish I had a schilling
(For each senseless killing)
For every senseless killing
I'd buy a government
America's for sale
And you can get a good deal on it
(A good deal on it)
And make a healthy profit
Or maybe, tear it apart
Start with assumption
That a million people are smart
Smarter than one

Serotonin's gone
She gave up, drifted away
Sara fled, thought process gone
She left her answering machine on
The greeting left spoken sincere
Messages no one will ever hear

Ten thousand messages a day
A million more transmissions lay
Victims of the laissez faire
Ten thousand voices, a hundred guns
A hundred decibels turns to one
One bullet, one empty head
Now with Serotonin gone

The man who used to speak
Performs a cute routine
Feel a little patronized
Don't feel bad
They found a way inside your head
And you feel a bit misled
It's not that they don't care, yeah

The television's put a thought inside your head
Llike a Barry Manilow, jingle
I'd like, to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
A symphonic blank stare, yeah
It doesn't make you care (make you care)
Not designed to make you care (make you care)
They're betting you won't care (you won't...)

Place a wager on your greed
A wager on your pride
Why try to beat them when, a million others tried?

We are the whore
Intellectually spayed
We are the queer
Dysfunctionally raised

One more pill to kill the pain
One more pill to kill the pain
One more pill to kill the pain
Living through conformity

One more prayer to keep me safe
One more prayer to keep us warm
One more prayer to keep us safe
There's gonna be a better place

Lost the battle, lost the war
Lost the things worth living for
Lost the will to win the fight
One more pill to kill the pain

Na na na na na
La na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na

The going get tough, the tough get debt
Don't pay attention, pay the rent
Next of kins pay for your sins
A little faith should keep us safe

Save us
The human, existence
Is failing, resistance
Essential, the future
Written off, the odds are
Astronomically against us
Only moron and genius
Would fight a losing battle
Against the super ego
When giving in is so damn comforting

And so we go, on with our lives
We know the truth, but prefer lies
Lies are simple, simple is bliss
Why go against tradition when we can
Admit defeat, live in decline
Be the victim of our own design
The status quo, built on suspect
Why would anyone stick out their neck?

Fellow members
Club "We've Got Ours"
I'd like to introduce you to our host
He's got his, and I've got mine
Meet the decline

We are the queer
We are the whore
Ammunition
In the class war
We are worker
We love our queen
We sacrifice
We're soilent green

We are the queer
We are the whore
Ammunition
In the class war

-NOFX (the DECLINE)

2003-06-30T00:42:00.000-04:00

bleh. well to update, ive been having a good summer for the most part, having fun and all, in fact i should at some point write some of it down so ill remember it sometime, not that it matters but i like to anyways.. but for right now im just kinda bleh.. i saw italian job with andrew and james tongiht and hung out with them which was a lot of fun.. but afterwards we went to emmas and emma brandon and that matt guy were there and gave enthusiastic welcomes to the guys while avoiding eye contact with me.. so i felt pretty shitty and just called my mom to come get me. so now im sittin here.. thats ok though. its nice to have time to chill alone for awhile maybe ill get something done.. though i dont really have naything i need to do anymore besides get a license and eventually get a job and stuff. maybe ill read shogun a bit and walk trix and just go to bed. peace

2003-06-24T00:03:00.000-04:00

finally outta school! i just barely got As in like all my classes (including getting a 99 on that history final to get a 90.0 in the class), my only non-A is ap lang, and as long as i didnt get worse than a C this quarter ill just have a B for the year.. and if for some reason i got an A ill have an A for the year but that wont happen, but i dont care. oh and i go tmy SAT 2 scores back, i did alright but not great in math.. math2C i got 710, chemistry 730, and writing 770.. dont ask why that ones my best, haha.. well alright thats about all folks.. summer!

2003-06-18T21:36:00.000-04:00

BAH. i really need to write those essays. yes. still the same ones. modest proposal from however long ago and the rodriguez which was due monday. plus notes which were due last week. BAH. goddammit why cant i do work. english specifically. even though i tweaked today, it helps everything but english. gah i need to just do it. on another note i took that history final today. i was so worried. but i think i did ok. i need a 99 to get an A in the class.. except we'll have one more asst and i turned in some bs extra credit.. so we'll see. but i had like 12 or something on the test which i wrote on my desk to doublecheck afterwards, and only one of them i got wrong.. so it is just possible i only got one wrong out of 89 which is a 98.87 or something. i think. sooo please please please. physics final tomorrow, im not positive what i need on that one.. it might be 95 or 87 or 90. not sure. i should study for that. but essays first. if i can just get thru the next 2 days im home free...

2003-06-16T21:47:00.000-04:00

If I was a rich man
I'd buy you some shoes
Tall boots for all the dirt you walk through
What would that do?
Enable you to deal
Without schooling you on how to touch what's real
And if I was a smart man
I'd tell you everything that I knew
And give it to you every time you need a talking to
But what would that do?
Teach you my guidelines
So you can be a cheerleader at your game on the sidelines
And if I was a driver
I'd keep my headlights on
To see the difference between right and wrong
I'd wear my seatbelt even when I'm in park
Cause I don't trust the other fools that cruise through these parts
And if I was a better cook
I'd hook up a feast
Set a table full of food for the children to eat
I encourage the nourishment so we can breathe
With the knowledge that we got something accomplished

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
So you can take my hand and I can take the lead

And if I was an honest man
I would stop writing songs
I'd break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast
Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music
It ain't nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess)
And if I was you, I wouldn't hear a word I said
Wouldn't trust nothing to start it up inside my head
I'd make a conscious effort to live instead
Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed
And if I was a hurt man
I'd find a way to put my faith
Into a woman that could take me from today
Maybe
I need somebody that could save me
From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy
And if I was a wise man
I'd climb to the top of the mountain peak
To think about strength versus weakness
I'd find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head
And figure out how I could try to help you reach it
(Ho ho ho)
And if I did have a choice
I'd never want to live forever
Just let me have a voice so I can make my points
I can't imagine running a race with no finish line
Just let me keep my pace and make the most of my time
I love giving but I'm bad at receiving
The truth is, I'd prefer to be the one bleeding
But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work
Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt
Which brings me to the issue
And that would be this:
How often must I ask myself why I exist?
I feel like a freak, this world is a circus
Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
And you can take my hand and I can take the lead

I got nothing but gifts
Keep it up in my wits
Got me drunk on the fifth
And now we're stuck in a ditch
And as dumb as it gets
I'ma run you some fibs
I wanna touch your lips
I wanna rub your hips
Put a glove on the fist
For the love that exists
We'll keep bumping the hits
To get my bucket of chips
From the Bloods and the Crips
To the skateboarding chicks
Put the Atmosphere on your Christmas wishlist
(Ho ho ho ho)

-Atmosphere

2003-06-16T21:32:00.000-04:00

There's a place where we all go to have a few when we feel low Drink ourselves into a state, drown our sorrow and fuel our hate A bar maid beauty in a tight black dress pours our beer and cleans our mess Answers to the name of Maggie Mae, when we see her what'll we say?

Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear! Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear!

There's a place where we all go to have a few when we feel low Been laid off, we've been laid in, we've been locked out we've been kicked in A bar maid beauty in a tight black dress pours our beer and cleans our mess Answers to the name of Maggie Mae, when we see her what'll we say?

Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear! Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear! Bring us another beer

There's a girl that we all love, she's the one we're thinkin' of Answers to the name of Maggie Mae, when we see her what'll we say?

Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear! Maggie Mae bring us another beer we need another beer Take away our troubles, dear! Bring us another beer

-Pietasters

2003-06-13T08:22:00.000-04:00

wow. all of blogger's format changed... this is confusing. oh well anyways dont have much time to write cuz i gotta go to school buuutttt... first of all the show last night was fucking awesome, one of the best ive been to in ages. voodoo glow skulls were good even if most of their set was spent repairing a blown fuse or something, pietasters were great fun! man i wish i knew both of those bands better. then it all went down for catch 22 that was awesome and crazy and great i miss crazy ska shows like that.. i shouldve stayed for bosstones but by then i was beat and greg had puked and stuff so we chilled outside, i saw like one of their songs.. oh well i dont know them that well anyways im just sad i missed them bitching at the asshole bouncers. hm i only have 6 days of school left. oh man do i need to scramble to make sure my grades are ok.. i really hope they are... and finally last but not least oh man oh man oh man that greg guy. hes so amazing ive never had a friend like him, i would trust him to be there no matter what.. and we always have fun together and everything is just. great. oh i cannot wait for summer.. oh and i almost forgot! i finally got that loraz tattoo ive wanted forever last saturday. its black and white on my ankle and its sweet i love it, although i wish itd stop itching. well ok really gotta go now. peace

2003-06-03T22:13:00.000-04:00

so.. wow. today really scared me. i am so glad greg seems to be ok now. leif and russ too. wow. but enough of that... as for me i stayed up all night last night to write that essay and of course didnt.. should i stay up all night again? i guess we'll see what happens. pleeeaase dont get tired

2003-06-02T21:56:00.000-04:00

this weekend was a lot of fun.. on friday hung out with greg and then with a lot of people and rolled. great fun. saturday night saw bruce almighty which was disappointing, and hung out with andrew emma jeff james steve and kenny. good times. and on sunday went to gab's eagle scout thing. and stayed home from school today. 3 more weeks of school...

2003-05-29T19:34:00.000-04:00

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me
I'd rather watch 10 hours of T.V.
But since I can't I'll think of food
I'll think of sex
I'll think of music
And I'll think of you

I'd rather have a cold one by the sea
I'd rather have you sitting on top o'me
But since I'm here and you're so far away
I'll read about Zaphod Beeblebrox
As I pass the day, hey

I'd rather not spend my whole night driving
I'd rather not be on so much caffeine
But since you're in bed and I'm sleeping
on some floor
I'll think of you and I'll wish that I was home

-NOFX (food, sex, and ewe)

2003-05-27T13:47:00.000-04:00

Measuring a summer's day,
I only finds it slips away to grey,
The hours, they bring me pain.

Tangerine, Tangerine,
Living reflection from a dream;
I was her love, she was my queen,
And now a thousand years between.

Thinking how it used to be,
Does she still remember times like these
To think of us again?
And I do.

-Led Zeppelin

2003-05-25T19:42:00.000-04:00

baahh if i dont get out of my house i am going to go fucking crazy. im about to just start walking a random direction. bleh i really dont want that shitty mood to set in..

2003-05-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

WOW that was the single-most incredible and fun night of my life. still two more days of weekend! waaaahhhhhhhhh

2003-05-21T02:34:00.000-04:00

baahh cant sleep. i finally fell asleep around 12. and then woke up again like 15 mins ago. grr i am so tired i just wanna sleep! let me go to sleep you biiittch.

2003-05-20T22:38:00.000-04:00

today was great- went over to kennys after school to go swimming w/ him, me, brandon, emma, steve, and andrew. so i get all ready by borrowing his shorts and shirt and i was the first to dive in and goddamn it was fucking freezing! so i went in a total of like 4 times, and everyone else was pretty much the same, cept at the end emma and brandon were competing to see who could stay in for more laps. crazy fuckers. anyways we dried off and got back into our old clothes but my undies were soaked and i was freezing so i went commando for the first time ever. and let me just say that i am a commando enthusiast!! ive always liked avoiding wearing a bra whenever possible but now goddammit if i could get away with it nary an undergarment would i wear! so comfortable! but anyways back to my day... we also watched a few of the clerks animated series shows which were pretty dumb at parts but also pretty fuckin funny. and then when i got home i took my dog for a long walk/run, and did a bit of homework. all in all feeling quite accomplished. but backtracking a bit. yesterday i stayed home from school and slept forever and then stayed up all night working on homework. of course still havent written that lang essay but it matters not! she pushed it back to being due next week :) i also had my precal final today and did absolutely awful, but i have to say thru little fault of my own. i know how to do it all its just that mr greenbaums a dumbass so none of the questions had the right answer as an option. so i went through the whole thing just marking whatever was closest and found out after class we could mark 'e' for no answer on any question. so hopefully i can go in tomorrow and redo it. well ok i think thats about it. off to bed i go, at long last..

highway 12 is unforgiving,
but tonight im still living!

2003-05-20T20:10:00.000-04:00

now it seems so terrible
at the time it didn't seem like much
all the months and miles in between us
and it's terrible
save some place in your mind
I'm getting good at time
save some space in your mind
I'm getting out of time
once in awhile there's this girl I don't know in my dreams
she reminds me of a lot of people
but she's someone that I've never seen
and she's perfect
save a place in your mind
I'm getting good at time
save some space in your mind
I'm getting out of time
-built to spill (terrible/perfect)

geez i just keep finding a new favorite song on this cd. the kind that gets stuck in your head and you play over and over for days :)

2003-05-19T19:38:00.000-04:00

dejected concrete jungles
that never seem to end
through complex tower structures
aimlessly they transcend over forgotten ghettos
they wont show on maps
inequal distribution of wealth
coincidental perhaps?

I tried to make a connection
to a world that shows no affection
america's busy sleeping

I saw divisions
in our undivided land
with power unforgiving
fueled by greed it cant withstand
its self-inflicted dreams of hope laughing in our faces
getting fixed w/ its own dope
sponsored by class races

sleep it off
everything will go away
sleep it off again
shop till you drop and everything will be ok
sleep it off again
party till you puke
in your comfortable houses
sleep it off again
the streets are paved w/ the
neglected thousands
sleep it off again

looked into desperate eyes
unfufilled abandoned lies
heartless city after city
I witnessed our demise
of a common man in a not so
promising land
with very narrow means
to urgent human needs

-Falling Sickness

2003-05-18T20:49:00.000-04:00

this weekends been sorta weird. friday was fun, if not quite what i expected. i pretty much slept all of saturday and today. oh well. i need to do homework but meh. the only reason im even posting something this pointless is im hoping itll fix the last post showing up twice.

2003-05-17T15:49:00.000-04:00

"Do you want it to be outside in the cool night,
where the stars gravitate toward you?
Do you want it to be outside in the cool night, where
the fog wraps itself around you?
Do you want it to be outside in the sunshine,
where the clouds take their places for you?

And the wind and snow and the rain that blows,
none of those would matter much without you.
And as long as its talking with you,
talk of the weather will do.

Do you want it to be outside in the cool night,
where the stars gravitate toward you?
Do you want it to be outside in the sunshine,
where the song keeps itself inside you?
And the wind and snow and the rain that blows,
none of those would matter much without you.

Nobody's hoping for better days,
No one knows what to do.
You're ok in your secret ways,
No one bothering you.
It might save time if I meet you there
But I dont care, I'd rather wait for you.

And no one's home and the weathers fine,
I'd rather wait for you.
Where no one's home and the weathers fine,
I'd rather wait for you.

-Built to Spill

2003-05-15T17:30:00.000-04:00

this song is sooooooooo good i listened it on repeat all day.

Stuck a pin in your backbone.
Spoke it down from there.
All I ever wanted was to be your spine.
Lost your friction and you slid for a mile.
Overdone, overdrive, overlive, override.

You're not the one who let me down,
But thanks for offering.
It's not a voice and I'm not around.
But thanks for picking it...

Up, on the radio.
Sampled your rust from a faucet, I know.
I've got a magnet in my head,
A magnet in my head.
Extra thick, extra long, the way it was wasted.

And there's a chance that things'll get weird.
Yeah, that's a possibility.
Although I didn't do anything,
No, I didn't do anything.

All I ever wanted,
All I ever wanted,
All I ever wanted was to be your spine.

(repeat)

And a mouth kept shut and a tongue twist tie.
You're the web in front, you're the favorite lie.
You're a buck my lip, you're a lash my lie.
You're the web in front of a favorite lie.

Stuck a pin in your backbone.
Spoke it down from there.
All I ever wanted was to be your spine.
I've got a magnet in my head, a magnet in my head.
Extra thick, extra long, the way it was wasted... wasted.

-Archers of Loaf (web in front)

2003-05-14T18:41:00.000-04:00

Saturday i jotted down some words i cried
all about a girl that i thought i loved
told a story of what we did and what went wrong
you've heard it all before its the same old shit

So i wont bore you with all the details
im sure that you can listen between the lines
i screwed her and she screwed me, but we never once had sex
all we ever had is too much time

love is just a joyride
drink a lot of beer and climb inside
lay your foot down on the gas
leave it there until you crash

this part of the song is called the second verse
soudns just like the first verse but with differnt words
but all it has is three chords and they are A D E and D
thery are A D and E and D
there goes the Dm D A E D

love is just a joyride
drink alot of beer and climb inside
lay your foot down on the gas
leave it there until you crash

Love is just a joyride

-Built to Spill

2003-05-14T17:44:00.000-04:00

GODDAMNIT I FUCKING HATE MY MOM. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH

2003-05-13T19:43:00.000-04:00

blah i fucking failed that ap chem test soooo bad. like half of the multiple choice i left blank. and i think i got an entire free response question wrong (out of like 5 or 6). so there goes any hope i had of redeeming my shittyness on the lang. i get to fail two of them! woo! bah. but oh well. and i left my disman in brandons car over the weekend and i want it back. but he just got suspended. so that might be awhile. haha go brandon. but because i didnt have mine emma lent me hers today and a cd of my choice with it cuz shes a dear :) so ive been listening to hello rockview and its really good! and now ive got it burned and all. hmm so i have tons of stuff i have to remember.. all written on my hand.. figure out getting old community service hours signed off, get physics is phun notes from someone since mine arent exactly great... i have to make up that us history test and figure out an excuse to give ms deery... :/ and my ap chem final is tomorrow.. yay. oh and i want to show my english teacher news of the weird in the city paper cuz i think its funny and if im lucky it might help her like me. or something. and i have to bring jeffs poster to school tomorrow. waahh i want it its a really cool black and white picture of sid vicious sitting on a bed shirtless smoking something. ok doesnt sound that interesting but its a really cool picture. weellll thats about all im off then.

2003-05-12T21:21:00.000-04:00

i am dumb as shit. so today i get to school and greg is dipping to go do acid with laif and leiberman, so i went with them, but not before i saw ms deery, my history teacher. who by the way caught me skipping about a week ago and detests skippers and we had a test today. wow i am stupid as shit. so then i took three hits (the max) of acid, leif was on two, and greg of course took 4 and 1/2. but for some reason i didnt trip, even though greg and leif were tripping hard as hell. :( but oh well i still felt weird to the extent of being sort of weirdly smacked or something. anyways so i just got home from gregs and i just realized i left my backpack at his house so i cant study for the chem test cuz i am an idiot. so there goes any hope for a good grade... oh well. blaahhhh tomorrow should be really fun.......... bah